The Story Must Be Told

Try to draw a picture of your own face. Do you know where all the pieces belong? If you forgot what you looked like, you’d never be able to recreate it. Invocation A SHIRT Liturgical Reading: “Self-Portrait” A SHIRT Yeah we got a new shirt so go DO it: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Suck in your gut. Pucker up your lips! Hock, pull, and reLEASE Good: you just spat out your own brain, ya dumb dumb. Get it outta there! Your brain can’t make you happy, and four out of five bodies agree. P’too! Invocation Shh Thoughts haha Liturgical Reading: “The Brain, The Body” Rocks Get out of the dog kennel, and put on your Tuesday best, ‘cause we’ll be back with a new Story in two weeks. P’too! Featuring the hot gym track Sports Beat by BerryDeep. BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Pay attention to this STORY and DON’T get DISTRACTED, like you would while holding the hand of the Archduke’s son while the world’s coal-tossing competition progressed a mere thirteen feet away. The Archduke of course demanded a close view, given his failing eyesight, but also his failing sense of smell and taste. He ate meals for hours, and never once had a drink, afraid to wash away the paste before he could enjoy the flavor. Now, his son mind you is a hemophiliac, and as such has taken to a life of precaution. His mother held his hand on long walks, while crossing the trolleyways, and eventually, while he slept and bathed. While she is on vacation, I’ve been charged to take her stead, given my similar height and smooth pristine hands. “Not a scar!” the Archduke declared upon inspection weeks prior. “Not a mole not a freckle!” Now, coal-tossing is a sport with an ancient, but complicated lineage… Invocation Petitions for Steadfast Congregants Liturgical Reading: “It Was a Sunday…” Get on in on this, on and in and on, again on, again in, on and on in and again. ‘Nother Story in a fortnight, ya goober. BOOKS: http://thestorymustbetold.com MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Ohhh Young Robert. Oh! Young Robert! Everyone LOVES Young Robert. He’s sailing for America! He encounters DANGER. But who IS Young Robert? One thing for sure: he’s young! Chunk down to www.thestorymustbetold.com to buy a book, ya goob. The Annual Story fund-a-thon Donations A Very Special Episode of Young Robert We are taking a much needed break for the next episode, so Stories will resume Jan 18. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Shh shhhhh go to www.thestorymustbetold.com and buy a book shh shhh it’s actually just links to the Amazon purchase pages shh shhh you don’t have to give us your info we already HAVE it. A mother can be anything. A frog. A bunch of rocks. Devon, apparently. But the one thing a mother can’t be? FREE from the STORY. Look look, uh oh it’s coming for youuuu. Featuring Steve Pasieka as “Christopher” www.twitch.tv/skulkers Invocation Petitions for the Honest Congregants Liturgical Reading: “Hard to be a Mother” Concluding Prayer Two more weeks until the final episode of the year. You will join us I can already tell. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Slop some STORY into your palms with our NEW book: Seasons of the Story. Buy here: www.thestorymustbetold.com Meow meow, bark bark, tweet tweet, sublimate sublimate. We all become ONE in the PetSmart. We all become ONE in LOVE, even if it hurts! And it WILL. Guest Preacher: Amber Nelson (Brighter Side and Some Place Under Neith podcasts) Invocation Psalm: How Much is That Doggy with the Masters Degree? Liturgical Reading: “The Sublimation of PetSmart” Concluding Prayer Give us two weeks to refresh the load in the Story trough, and we can FEAST again. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Our book is the ONLY truth EVER. Buy SEASONS OF THE STORY at www.thestorymustbetold.com Who will you meet in the mystery woods? Uh oh, maybe someone niiiiice. But can you trust anyone you meet in the mystery woods? Don’t ask me, CHURT. Invocation Petitions for Glorious Congregants Liturgical Reading: “Bearer of Light” The Song of Psalms In two weeks we’ll be waiting for you inside your own heart with a fresh Story. MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

Our BOOK is out, Chester. Buy SEASONS OF THE STORY at www.thestorymustbetold.com For the past year, every month on the Story Discord, our congregants submit original psalms in a CONTEST OF STORY TRUTH. We have read the winners and present them here for YOU. Join the discord and submit at https://discord.gg/9QUv46G. It’s typically for patreon members, but our kindly moderators grant access to SWEETHEARTS no matter their amount of sticky cheddar. THE PSALMS -A Psalm from the book of Grandmas Gone Gone - by Crodyman, www.pulpfrombeyond.com -A lil sip from the mug of gar-fi-eld to the congregation - Kristofferson De, lulu.com/spotlight/ilovedatoasteronce -Passing - Greslo -You Can Always Trust a Taurus - Jacob Rook, Instagram @asbestoscake -My Pen Pal Liturgical Director Carl - Foxy, FwaygoOfficial.redbubble.com -Sarabeth Went Fishing - ghastlygrapher, twitter.com/ghastlygrapher -The Crowning of JoBo REDUX - Jarrod, TWITCH.TV/THESTORYMUSTBEROLLED -The Juice Cleanse - Rachel Weinberg, instagram @cursedcollages, writing on rachelwriteshorror.wordpress.com -I am BUGS - Choirboy RBT, punkswithlunch.org MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt

No Story today, Chester, just a big CHUNK of NEWS: The Story Must Be Told is releasing its first book ... OF STORIES. Mark your humble calendar for OCTOBER 26th when the goodness of the Story plops down on you! 15 of your favorite Stories, plus a BRAND NEW STORY bigger and chunkier that will forever live in the book EXCLUSIVE. Artwork by celebrated congregant Sishir Bommakanti! A foreword by Lil Tad Taster himself for the most part! Follow us on @tsmbtpod on Twitter and Instagram for the PLOP TIME, and keep your peepers PEELED, CHUCK.

Knock knock. Who’s there? The Story. The Story who? The Story Must Be Told. Anyway, this episode was sponsored on Patreon.com/tsmbt by congregant Thomas K. Oh congregant, you will RUE the day you gave us your hard earned cheddar. We thank you! Invocation Psalm: “A Box of Family” Liturgical Reading: “Stalkers” Closing Prayer We are taking off the next episode, but we’ll be back with a special announcement. Our book of PSALMS: www.thestorymustbetold.com MERCH: http://BabyNeedsDaddy.com PATREON: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt