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The Story Must Be Told

10. The First Sermon of Cardinal Larson - The Story Must Be Told

10. The First Sermon of Cardinal Larson

Released on 04/03/2018

for this dutiful midnight vigil, the first tuesday of common days, we are graced with the beloved, articulate Cardinal Larson of the Archdiocese of the Church of the Seven Trusted Greases. he shares his many beautiful stories about his travels with us, his healthy, loving flock. Preacher: Cardinal Ed Larson (of Brighter Side and Roundtable of Gentlemen) Invocation Psalm: “Secret Tators” A Special Sermon from Cardinal Larson Concluding Prayer more frothy truth for the greasy and faithful next tuesday
9. A Lapse In Nature's Judgment - The Story Must Be Told

9. A Lapse In Nature's Judgment

Released on 03/27/2018

we are each of us a product of wriggling porcelain tails and elusive siren eggs. we forget how we once were two. no more, nuh uh, mm hmm. today, we remember our gooey beginnins, we cherish our genome, and we mourn the fallen, of which there are incalculable. weep! go on! Invocation Liturgical Reading: “A Lapse in Nature’s Judgment” Concluding Prayer Church Bulletin this here? this here is a treat for you, tasty n fresh. gosh, i love watchin you eat it, seein it dribble down yon chin. juicy!
8. The Stink War - Guest Preacher Jackie Zebrowski - The Story Must Be Told

8. The Stink War - Guest Preacher Jackie Zebrowski

Released on 03/20/2018

Everyone bow yur heads for what im about to preach, uh huh: it’s time for juicy business. Get them lips a-smackin, because we got a special guest preacher, Preacher Jackie Zebrowski, spreadin a gospel of right on healthy goo. Sup thee gentle. Guest Preacher: Jackie Zebrowski (Page 7, insta @jackthatworm) Introductory Prayer Psalm: “Daniel’s Greasy Feast” Liturgical Reading: “The Stink War” Church Bulletin Get on out of here. Go on. We ain’t got nothin more for yun until next week. Tuesday ther’alikes, I’ll be honest with yun.
7. You May Eat Me - The Story Must Be Told

7. You May Eat Me

Released on 03/13/2018

civic duty binds us once as citizens, and twice as lovers. we are beckoned by nation to hoist standards, mouth recitations, and adore patriarchs, yet we know the cost. big truths consume the lesser truths, make stool of abandoned precepts. every lie is first a truth defeated; every sin a virtue rejected. oo it gives me a phlegmy goo, right in my chest. Invocation Psalms: “Boy Shakes / Squish Fists” Liturgical Reading: “You May Eat Me” Concluding Prayer we adore the body of government, and we sup of its frothy milk. we piss of pride, weep of citizenship. all nations fall, and the Story spreads plague-like among the debris. spread yon eagle to its healthy protrusions.
6. Mommy's Little Tipper - The Story Must Be Told

6. Mommy's Little Tipper

Released on 03/06/2018

oh by truth we are drawn to such meager beings squabbling underfoot and lying provocatively in beds of saliva and mounds of masticated plastic. how we chastise, beseech of them polite human behaviors, declaring “he thinks he’s people!” when you know it right true we believe the same. masters and their charges, owners and their servants, we extend our rotting hierarchy to thine noble, innocent beasts. for Shame! Invocation Psalm: “Blanket Secrets” Liturgical Reading: “Mommy’s Little Tipper” Concluding Prayer thank you for such fondness and yes ugghh nnnff hueeggh we are beating in our chests and groaning in our groins. oh, how the Story it loves and inspires. please join our service next tuesday uh huh
5. Super Value Menu - The Story Must Be Told

5. Super Value Menu

Released on 02/27/2018

yes uh huh some of us enjoy the salty treats of food which is fast, and others of us depend upon yon morsels, teeth decrepit from substance and poverty. how fates intertwine, how doom swells and rains its pregnant waters over us all, the greasy and the not-so-greasy. reflect! renounce! repent! Invocation Psalm: “The Fish, the Filth” Liturgical Reading: “Super Value Menu” yup yup we’ll be back next week and the week after that and the week after that and we’ll never die Merch, ok?: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt Patreon, alright?: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt
4. A Perfect Vessel - The Story Must Be Told

4. A Perfect Vessel

Released on 02/20/2018

on this day we remember a patron true a saint of courage and unshakable faith. that's why we all wear our prettiest clothes and paint our faces and present such handsome grins and firm grips of hand. it's why i wear red. what tender boundary tween belief n delusion, how it quivers with our pulse Introductory Prayer Psalm: “The Furrier’s Coat” / “You Do Know” Liturgical Reading: “A Perfect Vessel” Brother Reid’s Song Church Bulletin im not ready to leave you, promise me youll find me soon gosh i need you to feel whole Merch, for Phonies: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt Patreon, for Imposters: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt
3. An Audience with the Queen - The Story Must Be Told

3. An Audience with the Queen

Released on 02/13/2018

today we celebrate the feast day of sain't jo, in whose matronage we engage so ruefully: lewdness, grotesquerie, tragedy. we are blessed with this liturgy frothy n fearful from Sister Callista of the Queasy Madre. sniff it down, yon juicies Invocation Psalm: “O! Honey” Liturgical Reading: “An Audience With The Queen” Concluding Prayer what truths we stink we stink for thee. come back next tuesday n we’ll tell ya a gooey one uh huh Merch juicy: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt Patreon pulpy: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt
2. A Cowboy's Story - The Story Must Be Told

2. A Cowboy's Story

Released on 02/06/2018

Wipe your hands on your pleats, then clean your nails with yon sopping lips: the Story has been birthed unto us eager acolytes. Oh! how it stews there, such promise and squelching. Ee! how it inspires, gets these hips swayin and tongues drippin. Touch it twice! Quick! Stories like this ain't gonna love you much sweeter. Introductory Prayer Psalm: Spark A Holy Fire/Horse Testes Liturgical Reading: “A Cowboy’s Story” Concluding Invocation Church Bulletin Rejoice with us again next week, uh huh, squish squish. Merch, for Bodies: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt Patreon, for Souls: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt
1. A Man For The Woman - The Story Must Be Told

1. A Man For The Woman

Released on 01/30/2018

In the name of the grease, the pleas, and the holy crease: we welcome you to The Story Must Be Told. Our congregation is humble, and our drips polite. Please please bow down with us in penitence. Give that kneeler a sniff. Smells like gasoline, don’t it? Ha! Go ‘head and ignore that. Introductory Prayer Psalm: "The Horns of the Beast" Liturgical Reading: “A Man For The Woman” Concluding Prayer A new Mass awaits ye next Tuesday. And the Tuesday after that. And so forth. Mm hmmfff. Merch, for the eager: https://topatoco.com/collections/tsmbt Patreon, for the honest: https://www.patreon.com/tsmbt
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