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48. Overheard At The Party
Released on 01/02/2019
Many of you attended parties recently, to ring in a false year endorsed by no Story but by the liar we call “Calendar.” Do not congregate, least of all for the ringing of a false bell. For, by attending any gathering the Story does not endorse, you fall prey to every rude temptation! Illicit wares, rowdy conversation, and sounds you cannot unhear. Stay home, warm yourself with but the Story, and abandon any friend the Story does not already claim.
Invocation
Psalm: “A Thing Going ‘Round”
Liturgical Reading: “Overheard at the Party”
Concluding Prayer
This Story had to be told, and next week another will beg for similar justice. Ohhh, we cannot deny you.
Don’t forget to check out our new short film, “The Dog the Boy”
https://vimeo.com/226796022
Or see it as part of a live TSMBT service:
https://vimeo.com/297286015
A Statement Concerning Christmas
Released on 12/25/2018
The Story rejects Christmas because Christmas rejects the Story. Do not let anything into your hearts that is not the Story! That's a sure way to heart-rot, and I wouldn't lie to you.
In protest to this corrupt season, we give but one gift: the gift of the STORY. We performed our first live service for a congregation in Brooklyn this past October, and today, we share the full video of that service. Along with that, please enjoy heretical Christmas music, laced with the sounds of war.
A link to this service: https://vimeo.com/297286015
Introductory Words
Invocation of Saint Arlenia Redworm
Video Testimonial 1
Psalm: "Mouth of Foam"
Video Testimonial 2
Confession: Jessica's Story
Video Testimonial 3
Introduction: Steve and Brandy
The Story: The Dog, The Boy
Closing Prayer
We return next Tuesday with a service corrupted not by this foul season, but blessed with the spirit of the new year.
Bonus Episode: The Stories of Heretical Christmas
Released on 12/21/2018
Our hearts are burdened with love for you, our dear congregation. Our arteries are full of well wishes! Our veins are clogged with oxygen-depleted wishes. We are a chugging machine whose only duty is to love you and make you feel the seasonal spirit of the Story.
That said, Christmas is a lie. Reject falsehood. Embrace the Story!
Invocation
Liturgical Reading: "The Wisest of the Them All"
Liturgical Reading: "He's Coming to Town"
Enjoy this present from the clergy here at The Story Must Be Told, of our heretical stories of the false holiday. We gave it to you last year, too. We will have another treat for you this coming Tuesday, so prepare yon bodies for the delights they shall endure.
47. We Wish You Were A Worm
Released on 12/18/2018
Dirt is a home for those who eat dirt, who take long naps in dirt, and mate, sloppy, in the dirt. As our bodies fall apart and our guts squish with painful gases, remember the dirt, a healthy place you will one day go. Have you considered how happy it will make your family?
Invocation
Psalm: “Rodney Has Sores”
Liturgical Reading: “We Wish You Were a Worm”
Concluding Prayer
The Story is born on a Tuesday, every Tuesday, and you better believe the next birth will be messsssssy.
Don’t forget to check out our new short film, “The Dog the Boy” @tsmbtpod or our SoundCloud.
46. The Mathematics Of Grocery Stores
Released on 12/11/2018
The grocer is our friend in commerce and our enemy in the Story. We do not deserve options for cereal, nor variety in our nut butters, whole wheat crackers, and lunchmeat. Give us but one choice, so that we might smack it up in our greedy mouths, and masticate masticate masticate. Hmmph. The Story alone is our satisfaction, and when food runs out, which it will, it alone will fill us.
Invocation
Psalm: “Web of Delights”
Liturgical Reading: “The Mathematics of Grocery Stores”
Concluding Admonition
The Story will return to you next week, hot as a ham, juicy as a coldcut. Sup sup!
45. It's My Right
Released on 12/04/2018
Every show on TV is sinful, shameful, and lacking in the Story. Does society and mainstream media intentionally shun the Story and its truths, or is it simply blind? The result is the same: the Story denies you. Listen as the Story denies our own congregant, Devon Harris, his simple joys, body, and sustenance. Listen, and learn this lesson: even at our lowest, the Story is yet waiting.
Invocation
Testimony: Devon Harris, divorcee
Liturgical Reading: “It’s My Right”
Concluding Sacrament
Spitting
Next week the Story will be waiting, for it exists in all weeks, outside of weeks—the Story is the week itself.
44. Gone And Still Here
Released on 11/28/2018
The songs I hear on the radio talk to me, and what they say no one should hear. Everything talks. The city breathes and sighs, and the fields caw and cry. Every creature makes sound, but not all are heard. Sometimes, a voice is lost, muffled, suffocated. Silence is proof of immeasurable loss.
Invocation
Psalm: “A Father’s Deception”
Liturgical Reading: “Gone and Still Here”
Concluding Prayer
Poke your fingers into your ears and wiggle wiggle till you can’t hear no more. Scritch scritch! Seeyasweets Tuesday, hmm.
43. An Intruder Intrudes
Released on 11/20/2018
Look out! You can’t lock the door! Nothing stops this stranger, and gosh, that’s the rough stuff about it, when you get down to the Story’s bitter truth. Love your loved ones, because tomorrow, by the Story’s fickle whims, you may not love them anymore. One day, you may wake up, and only love puzzles, and that’s who you are now. Oh, what sinister winds the Story blows this week. Wear a hat!
Invocation
Psalm: “Brain Meat, Brain Meat”
Liturgical Reading: “An Intruder Intrudes”
Concluding Prayer
Tuesday is the day the Story has set aside for us. If you don’t love the Story on a Tuesday you might as well never love again.
42. A Thunderstorm In There
Released on 11/13/2018
“Brain meat, brain juice / Slice the scalp, and let it loose.” That’s a psalm by good ol’ Saint Chunkworm, about that unsatisfactory organ cramping our skulls. Nothing up there to care for, so the Story tells us. Drink a brew, smoke a stink, do what you can, so your brain won’t think. Heh, that’s a psalm by me! Gosh, what a special time we share together.
Invocation
Psalm: “Jeff’s Disobedient Arms”
Liturgical Reading: “A Thunderstorm in There”
Concluding Prayer
When Tuesday arrives again, so too will the Story. The Story’s just a lil Tuesday Baby, grinnin up at ya, droolin, goobin, just ready to rend you apart.
41. The Bird That Learned About Weekends
Released on 11/06/2018
On Saturdays, I make love to leisure. On Sundays, I caress the gentle, sweaty folds of relaxation. Yes, we’re all lovers of “time off,” but we never think to question the unholy rhythm it creates—a cessation of nature’s beating heart. The Story tells us clearly: to stratify the days into rude geometries is a sin demanding the utmost punishment. The Story will cut off the feet of any weekend warrior, consume the hands of any weekday apologist.
Invocation
Psalm: “Daddy, the Fuckman”
Liturgical Reading: “The Bird That Learned About Weekends”
Concluding Prayer
Next Tuesday we will be here for you and we will never leave you ever ever ever. The Story is the only source of good in the world, and the only happy truth in a world of uh ohs and nuh uhs.
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