Horror Movie Talk

Our patrons voted for this week’s movie review, and they selected Crawl. This was a movie we let slip by us when it was in theaters. However, now we know, you don’t just slip by gators, they will look for you, they will find you, and they will kill you.

Crawl Trailer

Crawl can is available for rent or purchase on your favorite video platform.

Synopsis

The movie follows Floridian Haley (Kaya Scodelario), a competitive swimmer that goes to check on her father before a category 5 hurricane hits. She discovers that her father Dave (Barry Pepper) is in the CRAWL space below his house with a broken leg from an alligator attack. She finds out quickly that there are not one, but two hyper-aggressive gators that will stop at nothing to kill them both. What proceeds is a game of gator and mouse where they try to escape the gators in a labyrinthian and increasingly flooded crawlspace.

My Review

This movie has a simple set up and delivers exactly what you would want out of it: ridiculous gator action.

Before coming to Dave’s crawlspace, these gators must have stopped by Tony Montana’s and consumed the mountain of coke on his desk. These gators are ridiculously aggressive.

The two main characters are constantly in danger, but are protected by the most powerful substance known to man… plot armor. So for an hour and a half, as we watch them try to outsmart the gators to accomplish the impossible task of… you know crawl a couple feet to the stairs, we are introduced to a steady stream of possible saviors who are immediately attacked and torn apart by ravenous gators.

I’ve said it before. I’m not a huge fan of monster movies. But I can appreciate the ones that are done well. This is one of those.

The situation is creative, the pacing of the plot is great. Even the tension is high throughout the movie because of the rising water. It really is a great device to move the plot forward. There is also a decent amount of character development between Haley and her father. 

If all that bores you and you are only coming for alligator attacks, you will not be disappointed. Everything from just plain gator bites to being completely drawn and quartered by a congregation of gators is covered.

Overall it’s a really well written and executed creature feature that maintains tension, has the proper amount of ridiculous action, and doesn’t overstay its welcome.

Score for Crawl

7/10

Crawl (2019)

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Spoilers

Underwater is in theaters right now and I did not expect much, which left me pleasantly surprised when I didn’t have a bad time. As far as underwater spooks and adventure go, Underwater is unique enough to hold my attention, but it doesn’t pull off anything amazing. 

Underwater Synopsis

Underwater stars Kristen Stewart as Norah, T.J. Miller as the unnamed goofball, and Vincent Cassel as the captain who looks just like my friend
Brent.

This is an
incredibly simple story that starts with Kristen Stewart describing life 
– underwater – in this massive – underwater – facility that is made to support a drilling operation at the
bottom of the Mariana Trench, which of course, is – underwater. 

Want to watch Underwater?

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After a few
minutes the facility begins to implode, and our leading lady is forced to begin
her – underwater – quest to escape. 

Along the
way she runs into a few friends who have miraculously survived the facility
being torn to shred at this crushing depth. Once she meets up with the captain,
they hatch a plan to escape but soon find themselves in over their heads!

Underwater Review

Underwater is a by-the-books movie that reminded me of Sphere (1998) mixed with Aliens and The Abyss.

 T.J
Miller does exactly what you think he is going to do, and so does Kristen
Stewart. In fact, all of the characters do the things you think they are going
to do. Does that make it bad? No, just predictable.

I liked the
monster design in this, which is saying something because I rarely enjoy
monster design.

Score for Underwater

6/10

Spoilers for Underwater

Expand for Spoilers

There isn’t a whole lot to spoil in this movie. If you read my synopsis, you kind of get it. The monster(s) are really the x-factor and the interesting part of this movie, along with the journey to the bottom of the sea.

Kids Piloting Multi-Trillion Dollar Drilling Rigs

Ok, this is going to make me sound like a wet, old fart, but goddamnit I’m going to say it anyway. Twenty somethings are not who I would expect to be the focus of this movie. There’s a freaking intern for Christ-sake!

For another totally implausible underwater scenario, check out our review of The Meg

https://www.horrormovietalk.com/2018/08/24/the-meg/

Haggard men in their thirties and forties are the key demo here, both in real life and in movies of old based on similar situations. Call me sexist, but it’s true!

Here is a list of movies that show remote places and bad situations for what they are – stinky and men-ridden:

• The Thing
• Blood Diamond
• Alien
• Aliens
• Alien³

“But David, three of those movies have a female lead!” That’s the exception that proves the rule. Apart from Aliens, Sigourney Weaver is almost the only female in the whole damn movie, and she looks as stinky and gross as the men she hangs with.

I’m not sure where I’m going with this because to be honest, Underwater wouldn’t be nearly as attractive without Stewart at the helm. So maybe I’ll just swallow my vaguely sexist criticism and enjoy the kids piloting the world’s most expensive/dangerous drilling project.

The Monster(s)

We are introduced to the monsters early and often, but rarely do we get a solid look at them until the very end, which I appreciate.

We get to see fleeting quick glimpses of strange blurry hands and octo-faces darting around. Mostly we get to see the remains of others that the monsters leave behind.

Eventually, at the crescendo, we see a bevvy of the monsters hanging from – you guessed it – the bottom of the Roebuck drilling station that our surviving crew needs to enter. As the crew make their way through the forest of limp floating arms of the creatures, the awake.

They are hideous and effective, but obviously small compared to something else that we hear throughout the movie – the leviathan!

The leviathan is a truly massive monster, larger than most Kaiju I’ve seen. probably on par with Cthullu. The most interesting part about the leviathan is that the smaller humanoid creatures seem to live on it, and do it’s bidding.

I liked the monster(s), which is rare for me.

Final Recommendations

If you like monster movies, godzilla/kaiju, or Cthullu then Underwater is for you. It’s a action oriented monster movie that has a quippy T.J. Miller and a sexy Kristen Stewart – standard stuff.

It’s not great but I thoroughly expected to hate it and I didn’t. I would watch this again while drunk or high.

We went and saw The Grudge, and I feel like I’m taking crazy pills, because I liked it. That’s because it’s a dark and moody sequel/reboot of The Grudge.

Nicolas Pesce wrote and directed the film, and brings a more serious and weighty tone to the proceedings.

This is the first Grudge film to earn an R-rating, and it is warranted not only for the violence, but also for the mature subject matter.

See The Grudge can in theaters now

The Grudge 2020 Synopsis

This film is a soft reboot sequel of the American Grudge from 2004. It tells the story of a single mother Detective Muldoon (Andrea Riseborough) as she moves to a new police force and discovers a dead body in the woods.

Muldoon’s partner Detective Goodman (Demián Bichir) is disturbed when the body is connected with previous murder cases he investigated. As established in the previous Grudges and the opening credits, when someone is killed in a violent rage, a curse is formed around the place of death. Goodman mysteriously tries to dissuade Muldoon from investigating too deeply, and DEFINITELY NOT GO IN THE HOUSE. As you can guess, she goes in the house.

As Detective Muldoon investigates the current and previous murders, the film flashes back to tell the story of three families in different stages of life all being haunted, and hunted by the same curse.

Review of The Grudge (2020)

I haven’t seen any of the previous Grudge’s or the original Ju-On, so I was going in blind. However, the information I needed was provided in the opening credits:

1. Murder bad.
2. Make curse.
3. Curse Bad.

This technique I actually liked, but I admit it does lessen the mystery a bit. But since this is a sequel, all that information has already been established.

Dark Tone

The director Nicolas Pesce sets a measured pace and a moody tone for this movie, which for me, helped to build up the dread. There isn’t much mystery, or any real surprises in terms of the plot, but it does still feel compelling because of the inevitability of what you know is going to happen. It’s like watching a slow-mo train wreck. 

The first act takes it’s time to develop characters. Each family is introduced in turn with a unique situation that inspires empathy. Therefore it does feel like there are stakes. The most interesting of the bunch is probably the elderly Matheson family that is dealing with dementia and assisted suicide. 

R-Rated Horror

This is definitely a one trick pony though. Along the lines of The Conjuring movies, it’s more of a vehicle for jump scares. Some of the scares are effective, but they are generally pretty sparse until the end. With the R-rating, it is able to delve into some more graphic violence. This is a pretty “light R” since there are only a few moments that earn the rating, but they are effective and pack a punch.

When we left the theater, both David and I thought it was a good movie. Despite it’s slow pace and general predictability, it’s a well crafted movie with a distinctive tone and gravitas. We covered Nicolas Pesce’s last movie, Piercing a while ago and I think he has an really interesting style.

Negative Reactions on Twitter

Upon checking twitter, we are in the minority on this movie. People and critics apparently HATE this movie. It has worse scores on Rotten Tomatoes than CATS, which is ridiculous to me. I felt like I saw a completely different movie. I don’t know what people were expecting from it, but apparently they were VERY disappointed with the film. Most of the criticisms about it are that it is “boring” or that it didn’t feature the original girl ghost “Kayako” as much as they wanted. 

Score for The Grudge (2020)

6/10

The Grudge (2020)

Pre-order on Amazon.com.

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Final Recommendations

I stand by my original impressions upon leaving the theater. I think it’s worth a watch.

2019 treated us very well in terms of how our podcast is doing and in terms of great horror movies. I would even go so far as to say we were spoiled by 2019. So let’s take a look at what we love and hated about the horror movies that we reviewed in 2019.

Worst Horror Movies of 2019

The Prodigy

This was such a boring movie that I resent it for technically being decent enough to be called mediocre. This is a movie that holds the title of “mediocrity” high above it’s head and smiles.

From Miles, the boring antagonist child, to his boring parents that boring birthed him, this movie is one that I will not watch again.

Click here to watch The Prodigy on Amazon.

Greta

While not committing any mortal sins, Greta manages to be more forgettable than The Prodigy. This PG-13 thriller has a great trailer that leads one to believe that things will get real crazy, real fast.

All that ends up happening is kidnapping and some Boo-box play. Yawn.

Click here to watch Greta on Amazon.

The Curse of La Llorona

Looking back on this, we only gave it a 4/10 but this movie was (in my mind) a 2/10. The real curse was having to sit through an hour and a half long movie that could have been 22 minutes of witless bullshit.

This was a clear cash grab that the studio behind The Conjuring franchise, and hopefully not a sign of things to come.

Click here to watch The Curse of La Llorona on Amazon.

Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

To be honest with you, SStTitD was not that bad. It was really my fault for getting my hopes up about a movie that is nodding at my childhood nostalgia and winking.

This is a fine movie to introduce young teens to the genre, but if you are looking for interesting concepts or a fun time, look elsewhere.

Click here to watch Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark on Amazon.

Best Horror Movies of 2019

The Dead Don’t Die

The Dead Don’t Die is lowkey one of the best movies of the year in terms of entertainment value, star power, script, and acting. Taking a totally fucked-out premise like zombies and making it fun and funny again is always impressive.

You can’t do better than this cast:

• Bill Murray
• Adam Driver
• Tom Waits
• Chloë Sevigny
• Steve Buscemi
• Danny Glover
• RZA
• Tilda Swinton
• Iggy Pop
• Selena Gomez
• Sturgill Simpson

Click here to watch The Dead Don’t Die on Amazon.

Midsommar

Think cults are spooky? What about being drugged? Bright colors? Yea, this movie mashes up some of the most unused tropes and ideas into a terrifically horrific masterpiece.

As director Ari Aster’s second hit horror movie, this is a ride and a half for the viewer. The whole movie resembles a drug trip in a very innocuous way, and the end crescendos into one of the most upsetting things I witnessed all year.

You must see this.

Click here to watch Midsommar on Amazon.

Ready or Not

Ready or Not came straight out of left field and clocked me. Everything about this movie was charming and fun.

This will go down as one of the great meta-horror/comedies of all time.

Our podcast review of Ready or Not makes me believe that scream queens are back.

Make sure to listen to our podcast review of Ready or Not to hear the Debut of our best game to date: Horror or Porno.

Click here to watch Ready or Not on Amazon.

Doctor Sleep

I can’t believe how much I enjoyed this adventure horror movie! I thought for sure that any movie trying to follow The Shining would fail miserably. How wrong I was!

Everything about this movie enthralled me. The story was fun, the characters were believable.

The baddies in this movie were so bad, so evil, it made me want nothing more than to see them suffer!

Click here to watch Doctor Sleep on Amazon.

Here’s to 2020!

Thank you for listening to the podcast and supporting the show! We couldn’t do it without you!

We streamed Rare Exports, and much like Finland, it was cold and dark. This horror film has more to do with Lovecraft than a run-of-the-mill slasher or monster movie. There is a lot of dread and high-concept build up. While the ending might not be satisfying, it stands out as the most entertaining part of the movie, and is worth the wait.

Rare Exports can be found streaming free on Crackle, or on Amazon Prime or Hulu if you subscribe to either of those.

Rare Exports Synopsis

Rare Exports tells that tried and true christmas yarn of a young boy discovering that Santa Claus is real. This heartwarming tale set in Finland follows Pietarri and his widowed father as they try to make ends meet in the frosty North. But tragedy strikes when the winter livestock tragically dies, it’s up to Pietarri to discover the magic of Santa and save Christmas.

Review of Rare Exports

This movie is a lot of fun in retrospect, but to be honest you really have to be in the mood for this type of film. Like most scandinavian films it is very dry and has a real particular type of slow drip black humor.

It has a very unique mix of lovecraftian horror and schlock that you really don’t see very often. Like most Lovecraftian stories, a lot of the exposition is third hand and can feel rather clinical. However, the ideas in this movie are genuinely fun if you can endure the desert-level dryness of the humor.

The film is played SO straight that it is easy to miss how crazy and fun the concepts are within it. Erin walked in on the ending scene and upon explaining the plot to her, I realized how fun the movie must sound. 

It’s at the top of a lot of Christmas Horror Movie lists, but it’s not personally my favorite. That spot is still reserved for Silent Night, Deadly Night.

Score for Rare Exports

Score 7/10

Rare Exports

Watch the full movie now on Amazon Prime

Watch on Amazon

Rare Exports Spoilers

The film opens with the excavation of big hill. It feels straight out of Lovecraft, specifically At the Mountain of Madness. There are allusions to a discovery of ancient origins underneath a layer of insulation sawdust.

Pietari and Jusso watch the men excavating, later Pietari discovers a bunch of ancient legends of Santa Claus being an evil entity with horns that punished naughty children.

Mysterious footprints show up around Pietari’s house, and he assumes they are from Santa.

On the yearly hunt, it’s discovered that all of the reindeer have been slaughtered close to the mountain with the drilling. The men want compensation from the drilling company for their lost livelihood.

Pietari studies more about Santa legends and discovers ancient tales of Santa being captured in ice.

Wolf trap is tripped and an old bearded man is discovered. Pietarri’s father and his friends try to communicate with the man, but are unable. The old man seems to be drawn to Pietari. This convinces Pietari that the man is Santa.

The group decides to sell santa to the drilling company. When the American running the excavation arrives he informs them that it isn’t Santa, it’s one of his “helpers”. All of a sudden they are swarmed by hundreds of naked old men “helpers”.

When they escape to a hanger and discover that there is a giant block of ice with horns sticking out of it. All the towns heaters, hairdryers, and radiators are pointing at it. Also, all of the towns children are sacked up around the ice block.

They use all the bagged children as bait for the helpers and blow up iceblock santa.

With all the excess helpers no longer under Santa’s spell, they spend the whole year training them to be mall santas and ship them out all over the world at a price.

Final Recommendations

Rare Exports is worth seeing. It is a high quality, quirky christmas horror movie that deserves acclaim. Keep in mind that it is more of a high concept horror than an actual slasher or monster movie.

Bury Christmas everyone! ROFLOLOLOL!!!! No, but seriously folks, we like to joke… This week we review the new 2019 Model of Black Christmas. It’s a genuine attempt to reimagine Bob Clark’s 1974 classic through the lens of today’s modern woman. Listen to our full review on our latest episode or read the summary below. Also in this episode, we play Taglines and a new game called “Black Christmas or Black Christmas or Black Christmas”. Enjoy.

Synopsis of Black Christmas 2019

Sabina, Elena, and Jane are working for the mysterious Charles Townsend, whose security and investigative agency has expanded internationally. With the world’s smartest, bravest, and most highly trained women all over the globe, there are now teams of Angels guided by multiple Bosleys…

Oh wait that’s charlies angels

Black Christmas is the second in the increasingly loosely based remakes of Bob Clark’s 1974 Black Christmas. The story follows 4 close-knit Hawthorne College sorority sisters named Riley (Imogen Poots), Kris (Aleyse Shannon), Marty (Lily Donoghue), and Jesse (Brittany O’Grady) during the very beginning of winter break. While most of the campus is abandoned by students going home for the holidays, these bold gen-z women opt to stay on campus and party with the other christmas holiday “orphans”. Soon it is apparent that they are being stalked by a mysterious man or men who are attacking and killing sorority sisters one by one. As we follow Sophie and company, it is revealed that the stalker/stalkers are part of a larger more nefarious conspiracy: THE PATRIARCHY.

Black Christmas (1974)

Add the BLuray to your collection or stream it now.

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Written, directed, and led by young women, this film’s diva cup runneth over with female empowerment. It is so loosely based on the original that it barely maintains the scaffolding of women at college being stalked by a killer. What it does bring to the party is straight ahead, unsubtle social commentary for today’s generation of women. 

Quick Review of Black Christmas 2019

I imagine that this film is going to get a lot of hate, and there are a lot of creative and studio decisions that hinder its success, but I must say that I admire the creative vision of this movie. This film seems like a genuine attempt to reimagine Black Christmas through the lens of today’s generation, with today’s technology. Supplanting the themes of abortion rights and women’s lib, are the modern themes of rape culture and well, still women’s lib… I guess we’re still working on that.

Watch Black Christmas 2019

On Amazon

Click here to Watch

 Like I said before, it is not subtle in its message of social commentary, but in this case, I prefer the straight ahead messaging vs lame tacked-on virtue of other “woke” horror films. In terms of plot, this film goes charging off the rails in the third act. The end is truly ridiculous, but it is good campy fun. 

The biggest hindrance and distraction of the film was its pg-13 rating. It’s so distracting and jarring at some points that it resembles a television edit from the late 80’s. But since they wanted to market the film to the younger generation of women movie goers, they had to say “yippee ki yay, mr. falcon” to their R-rating.

Score for Black Christmas (2019)

6/10

Spoilers for Black Christmas

Expand for spoilers

The film doesn’t go to great lengths to create a mystery over who the killer is. It is shown early on that the killer is obviously from the same fraternity that Riley’s rapist is from.

Riley stumbles into a secret ritual involving an old bust that is weeping black goo.

If you’re wondering if they ever explain what the black goo is. Don’t hold your breath. It’s bad, and it makes men bad. That’s pretty much the extent of it.

The bust is of the founder of the frat, and apparently he dabbled a bit in black magic and left instructions on how to use said magic (and goo?) to put women back in their place.

It is eventually revealed that the killer is actually killers. The whole frat is out to kill or force into servitude all the women on campus. It’s pretty crazy.

In the end, the women come off victorious.

Final Recommendations

With the holiday season and Star Wars coming out, it’s slim pickings for horror movies in the theater. This was a fun movie that genuinely tried to be some thing new. It’s not terrible, and is a little bit better than average. At the very least it will spark conversation. I’d recommend you see it. Star Wars will still be there in a week.

We saw Backcountry on Netflix, and it is an effective enough one-trick pony. Unlike The Ruins movie we reviewed earlier, there are no super-natural elements, the threat is just a plain ol’ bear. I laughed and cried, and sometimes it wasn’t ironic!

Oh my God, @Dgoebel00 on INSTA provided this amazing pic. Check him out on his site as well.

Backcountry Synopsis

Backcountry is the 2014 story of a woodsy kind of guy named Alex (Jeff Roop) and his urban girlfriend, Jenn (Missy Peregrym), who are heading into the woods for a late-season camping trip. It’s directed and written by Adam MacDonald.

Watch Backcountry

Watch it on Amazon

Backcountry Movie

Early in
the movie, we meet a Park Ranger (Nicholas Campbell) who warns the couple that they should probably
bring a map and look out for inclement weather, but Alex don’t need none of
that shit! He’s a man’s man who knows these woods like the back of his country,
and he don’t need no stinking map.

As the
couple heads into the woods they quickly end up with more camping trip than
they bargained for.

Backcountry Review

Backcountry is a one-trick
pony that relies on a surprisingly well-grounded theme – The woods are scary,
and so are wild animals.

Most of the
movie left me scratching my head and rewinding to try to make sense of dialog
or acting that didn’t seem to fit the situation. Why are they worried about a
single snapped tree? Why didn’t the movie make a point of that tree before it
was snapped to show the audience that this is certainly out of place?

Lots of
little details like this made the movie a little frustrating for me. 

Overall, I
do appreciate the simplicity of this movie and its premise and the stakes. It
was fun to watch with a friend and plays on a very reliable fear, being alone
in the woods at night.

Score for Backcountry

6/10

Spoilers for Backcountry

Backcountry is a barebones kind of movie. Lots of it
is composed of vaguely wandering through the woods, with little to no dialog. There
are only four characters in the movie, our two protagonists, the park ranger at
the beginning, and Brad in the first third of the movie. Unless you count the
bear, I mean.

So beware, those are the stakes.

Check Out The Big Knife on Brad!

After they canoe across the lake and set up camp initially, we
meet Brad, a dreamy outdoorsman who starts to chat up Jenn while Alex is off
gathering wood. Alex is cagey upon meeting Brad, and this causes a rift in the new
relationship.

Brad shares his fish with the two before doling out his machismo
upon Alex. Brad reveals that he is an outdoor guide who is well-versed in the
area. He also reveals a huge skinning knife and his disdain for the snap judgment
that Alex made on him and his kindness.

Brad leaves our couple after dinner, a wink, and a slug of
whiskey, which left me extremely uneasy. Humans in the woods are, by far, the scariest
thing to me. People represent a very creepy and unreliable X-factor, in a place
that’s far away from law and order.

Brad is a great addition to the story because he sets up the
stakes, which feel alarmingly high for a hike in the woods.

The Path Less Traveled

As our couple gets on their way, there is a point where Alex
chooses the path less traveled. He seems sure of himself, so Jenn follows, and they
eventually set up camp. Every night we get to see them sleeping and hear the
creepy sounds of the woods. This is effective in all the right ways. Who knows
what’s out there?

The couple wakes up each day to a campsite that is a little
different than they left it.

As Alex recognizes the signs that they are almost to the
waterfall they set out to see, he quickens his pace. When they walk out into
the open, they both realize that they are not in the right place at all – they are
totally lost.

Until this point in the movie there has been a lot of filler
of the couple just walking through the woods, almost like a montage set to bird
and woods sounds. It is at this point where the action begins, and thank God. I
couldn’t take five more minutes of boring plodding.

Panic Sets In

Jenn is confused and scared, and rightfully so. She throws a
series of questions at Alex:

Where are we? I don’t know. How did we get here? I guess I
don’t remember the area as I did in High School. Are you stupid? Yes.

The couple has a big argument, and it is revealed that Alex
was going to propose to Jenn once they got to the waterfall.

The fight feels like it erupts out of the blue, which it
does. It was decently setup with the campfire banter throughout the movie thus
far. It’s just a bit comical how it plays out with high school relationship
levels of volatility.

Backcountry Bear Attack

One morning they wake up, and their food is gone, they frame
a raccoon, but we all know who the culprit really is. They are panicked, foodless,
and one toke over the line, trying to make sense of where they are. They go to
bed and wake up looking at a big black bear outside the tent.

That bear attacks them, and I do mean it attacks the shit
out of them. If I had to draw a picture with words – imagine a bear with speed
lines and ultra-roaring powers. Wiggle-cam is in full effect during the attack.
Jenn has a can of bear mace in-hand throughout the whole attack, and she gives
it a shot once, but mostly she just watches Alex get eaten alive.

I enjoy how true to life this attack is. The bear is just a
bear, not some super-bear with a laser attached to its butt. It’s just a bear
that does what you might expect a late-season bear to do – eat what it finds.
Jenn’s actions, while super annoying, are pretty realistic too. Failing to use
the bear spray in her hands is what I might expect from my wife in such a situation.

Run, Jenny, Run

At this point Jenn is running from the bear. I did mention
this was a one-trick-pony, right?

At some point she finds the waterfall, climbs down it, suffers
a crunchy fall that surely breaks some bones. She finds the canoe, crosses the
lake and finds the search party is set to come look for her being headed by –
you guessed it, Brad.

She’s definitely going to marry Brad.

Plenty of parts in the chase made me squeamish because of
how real and plausible they seemed. It was a pretty obvious ending, but hey, it’s
pretty real too.

Final Recommendations

This is an easy choice for a Friday night movie
at home, snuggled up on the couch, poking your friend at every twig snap.
Nothing showy or hard to get into, and it really does tap into a primal fear
that is magnified artificially by our distance from nature now. Backcountry is
fun and ironically funny, and mostly coherent. 

If you want a similar but better movie, check
out The
Ritual, which centers on a group of friends who have to deal with
something more sinister in the woods.

American
Psycho is, without a doubt, one of my favorite movies of all time. This
thriller is one of the most hilarious and disturbing tongue-in-cheek movies
ever made. 

Oh my God, @Dgoebel00 on INSTA provided this amazing pic. Check him out on his site as well.

American
Psycho can be found on Netflix right now for free, and just about
everywhere else for a nominal rental fee. 

American
Psycho Synopsis

This is the story of Patrick Bateman, a Wall Street investment banker who is wealthy, materialistic, and totally insane. As you get to know Bateman, you will realize that you are witnessing an interesting turning point in his life. The emptiness that he feels inside is forcing his addictive habits further into the open than is wise. 

American Psycho Streaming

Watch it on Amazon

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By day he
frets about having the perfect business card, or the best suit, or reservations
at the most trendy restaurant. By night he is a psychopathic serial killer. 

But how much of this lunacy is real? With Patrick as our unreliable narrator,
we get a behind the scenes look at the mind of a real nutjob – a true “happy
camper”.

American
Psycho Review

American
Psycho is, in my opinion, a masterpiece that looks directly at the human
condition as it is today. This movie is based on the 1991 Bret Easton Ellis novel by the same name and
is set in the late ’80s, amid the extreme excess and consumerism that marked
the time. And it holds to this day. 

The
restraint shown in this movie is perhaps the most impressive part of an already
very impressive movie. The acting is perfect. To my mind, this is the movie
that put Christian Bale on the map as one of the best
actors we have ever seen, and definitely my favorite method actor. 

Mary Harron, the director of the film,
describes it as “feminist,” which may not be as accurate as saying it relishes
all of the most despicable masculine traits. It’s an exercise in rage, lust,
vanity, and boredom.

I love the
message, I love the presentation, and I love the story. The character of
Patrick Bateman is as strangely relatable as he is totally alien.

Score for American
Psycho

10/10

Spoilers for
American Psycho

Before
spoilers, do consider listening to the podcast instead of reading my review.
We go very deep into this movie, and it would be a shame for you not to listen
to our analysis of it, at least, that’s my opinion.

Bateman is an
Utterly Insane Narrator

Patrick is lots
of things, and top of that heap is nuts. He is also our narrator. This is
important because the whole way through the movie, we get to see him doing and
saying things that are absolutely horrific, and no one seems to bat an eye. Is
it because they didn’t hear him, don’t care, or did he actually do that? I
think the more important point that this movie makes is, it doesn’t really
matter.

So much of
what we do and say and excuse is completely unacceptable, yet totally accepted
in today’s culture. We all have a little Bateman in us.

His morning
routine is where we start, and boy is it a doozy. He is extremely superficial,
vain, and egotistical, and it’s all apparent from the opening scene.

Did You know Joker is basically American Psycho?

It’s true, While American Psycho maybe one of the most unique movies I’ve ever seen, Joker is essentially the same movie with an antihero who starts from the bottom instead of the top.

Bateman is
the Boss

He tells
his receptionist, Jean (Chloe
Sevigny), what she should wear. He refuses to marry his fiancé,
Evelyn (Reese Witherspoon),
because he doesn’t want to take time off work. He threatens to kill his dry cleaner
because she speaks a different language and can’t get some … stains … out of
his bedsheets. It’s clear that Patrick is the boss of his world, and he doesn’t
care who gets hurt because of it.

People Don’t
Matter To Bateman

I say that
people don’t matter to Bateman, but people don’t even really matter to each other
in American Psycho. Every character is having an affair with every other
character, and no one seems to mind. All anyone wants is, “…to fit in.” As long
as everyone gets what they want or who they want, they are happy.

As I write
this out I am beginning to wonder why I revel so in the abominable messages and
themes of American Psycho. It’s damn depressing that this is somewhat
true of American culture today and for the past several decades. It’s also a
breath of fresh air. It’s nice not to be lied to. It’s fun to see something and
call it what it is – sickening!

Business
Cards DO Matter To Bateman

People may
not matter to Patrick, but things certainly do! The business card scene where
Patrick almost has an aneurysm over his peer’s cards is perhaps one of the most
iconic scenes in all of movie history. The whole movie is one big commercial
for the best suit, real estate, haircut, music, and restaurant.

Ironically, Bateman’s tastes are so mainstream and safe that
none of them amount to a hill of beans. Every business card that he fawns over
is the same as the others; every song he enjoys is vapid and painfully pop. It’s
all just consuming to consume.

Bateman Isn’t Really Bateman

Patrick is only himself for about half of the movie. The
rest of the time, he charades around as Paul Allen (while banging and killing
prostitutes) or Marcus Halberstram. In-fact his own lawyer mistakes him for
someone called Davis at the end of the movie, suggesting that no one even knows
who anyone is. At least, the idea of Bateman, as he says, isn’t real. It’s just
an idea, an inkling of the murderous, disgusting, letch that haunts us all. Who
is Patrick? Does it really matter?

American Psycho Ending Explained

There is lots of speculation to this day about what exactly
happens at the end of American Psycho. It’s confusing! He has spent so
much time lying to the audience, having delusions, maybe killing people, acting
as others, it’s hard to know. Many people suppose that he did all of the
murders that everything is the truth.

Others say that none of it happened, that we are witnessing
the mind of a sick man, a psycho. Some say that it’s some amalgamation of the
two.

I would pose that the point of the American Psycho ending is to say that it doesn’t matter at all. Whether it was a total farce or completely real, it’s real enough in our society. It’s a thought experiment meant to make you ask what part you play in this fucked up world. How much of Bateman lives inside you?

Final Recommendations

This is a fabulous film. Although it will leave the faint of heart and empathetic queasy, it’s still worth the watch. I whole-heartedly recommend this film to everyone who is interested in having a little peak at insanity.

We decided it would be a good idea for all you regular listeners to get a taste of the exclusive Patreon content, and let you know that there is a whole lot more where that came from!

This Afterpod was recorded with our guest who we had on for the American Psycho review that will be released later this week – my buddy Marc!

Listen to us wax about what makes a horror movie a horror movie, what “feminist movies” do wrong, and what we did for Thanksgiving.

As always, click the green Patreon button at the top of the page to become a Patreon member for more exclusive content!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Since it’s so close to the holiday, we decided to review ThanksKilling this week. It’s dumb and bad, but in the best way. In this episode, we give out review, play a round of Taglines, and share what Horror Movie Talk is thankful for.

The full movie of Thankskilling can be found streaming for free on Youtube and also on Amazon Prime. Here is the trailer:

ThanksKilling Synopsis

Thankskilling is about a group of “teens” that are terrorized by an ancient killer turkey. The turkey, named Turkie was summoned after the very first Thanksgiving by a disgruntled Native American. Turkie has laid dormant for over 500 years until he is awakened when a dog pees on his grave. A group of friends on their way home for Thanksgiving are then terrorized by the fowl fowl. They then band together and work to destroy the homicidal turkey.

Watch ThanksKilling

Stream it on Amazon

Click here to Watch

Review of ThanksKilling

This movie is not a great movie. It’s actually pretty terrible. But it does hit the sweet spot of being bad enough to enjoy, which is exactly what they were going for. The acting is bad, and the writing is awful, but there are some shining moments. Any scene that features the killer turkey is very entertaining, mostly because it’s so cheap and stupid. But, I’m a sucker for cheap and stupid, so the steady drip of Turkie moments kept the viewing experience from being completely miserable. It’s only 66 minutes long, but you will definitely feel every second of that 66 minutes. Considering this movie was filmed on a budget of $3500, it is actually a rousing success.

Score for ThanksKilling

3/10

Spoilers for ThanksKilling

Click to see spoilers

The Opening

This movie has what I call a strong opening. The very first image, even before the soundtrack plays is a big ‘ol boob. Just one. Taking up the whole frame.

Then it pans back to a frightened Pilgrim woman with chest exposed running away from an unseen terror. When she trips, the villain is revealed.

A demonic turkey utters the first line of the movie:

Nice Tits Bitch!

-Turkie

And then a feathered hand raises holding a bloody axe and comes down killing the chesty milkmaid.

Cultural Appropriation

The legend of Turkie is that he was summoned by a disgruntled Native American to murder the pilgrims. He is essentially eternal, but only kills every 505 years.

In the current generation, Turkie is summoned by his grave being peed on by a dog. Please note that Turkie’s grave marker is a tiny totem pole. This is, I assume, because it is a close approximation of a cross?

The Crew

You can’t get more generic than the horror archetypes in this movie:

• Johnny Football – Johhny
• Nerd Guy – Darren
• Hick – Billy
• Slut – Ali
• Not Slut – Kristen

I make fun, but it’s shocking how even terrible writing and filmmaking is improved with strong and even cliche character types. You may laugh at how dumb the characters are, but at least you know the characters.

Best Scenes

The best scenes are any that involve Turkie. However, the best of these are those with Turkie and Kristen’s father, and then the resulting disguised Turkie that wears the fathers face.

Final Recommendations

If you are looking for schlocky horror this Thanksgiving, look no further than ThanksKilling. It’s bad enough to be enjoyable, and short enough to not thoroughly overstay it’s welcome. Trust us, we’ve reviewed worse. Here’s to independent horror!