Horror Movie Talk

We went and saw Halloween Kills and i was shocked by the insanity of the violence at the start and end of the movie, and bored to literal tears by the squishy, awkward middle. 

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Synopsis

Halloween Kills picks up directly where Halloween 2018 left off. Spoilers, he makes it through the fire, and goes on a murderous rampage through his hometown of Haddonfield. 

While the residents decide to make their own stand against his evil, they do their best to try to find and kill Michael in a mob justice style coup. 

Michael creeps through the town brutally killing random bystanders and homeowners. 

Eventually, everyone ends up with more Michael Meyers than they bargained for.

Review

Halloween Kills is a cool concept that is hampered by slow-witted dialog and an unneeded morality appeal. 

Who was the person clamoring for a barebones morality tale in a Halloween movie? I feel like I understand the Halloween fanbase pretty well. I respect them, and I know I’m an outsider looking in, but none of them are asking for this.

The entire second and third acts of Halloween Kills are bogged down by inane dialog, cameos, and homages to previous films. 

I will say this – the violence is pretty incredible. Some of the kills are so brutal and disgusting that I was impressed. I don’t think I’ve seen such incredible brutality done so well since Possessor Uncut from 2020. The kills were done so well that I actually got into them to a degree. 

Watch Halloween Kills

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Instead of a dialog driven homage-fest, why not do what Michael actually does best? Creep around the town of Haddonfield with Michael, stalking and killing his victims. Sparse music or silence accompaniment to pair with the gurgling, gasping, and screaming of defenseless townsfolk, just trying to get away.

Show how evil Michael is, don’t tell us – WE KNOW! Make us gasp in awe. Make us fearful of walking through the parking lot at night to get back to our cars and drive home.

It bums me out that Halloween 2018 didn’t get a hardcore follow-up, because I feel like if they had gone swung for the fence with the brutality, they could have made a movie that people spoke about in hushed tones. 

Score

5/10

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We went and saw Lamb, and I’m still wondering about what I saw. This moody and intimate Icelandic horror movie may not have a lot of scares, but it serves up plenty of dread, and will stick with you for a while.

Lamb can be found in theaters now

Synopsis

Lamb is about a childless couple working a farm in Iceland that discovers a unique lamb born in their barn. They take special care in raising this lamb, but something’s not quite right. You can tell because some of the other lambs have shifty eyes.

Review of Lamb

This is a very unique movie. It’s one of the things I crave in a moviegoing experience: novelty. There has definitely never been a movie like this one. The story is very simple and spare, but somehow punches you in the gut with vague allegory. It’s almost hard to come up with what this movie is about without just describing the plot, but the themes go into nature vs nurture, seeking happiness where you shouldn’t, motherhood, loss, jealousy, and synthpop. 

It is definitely slowly paced, but that isn’t to say that it isn’t engaging. It held my attention, and affected me on an emotional level. The visuals were stark but beautiful, reminding me a lot of A24’s other recent release The Green Knight.

If you think all of A24’s movies are pretentious garbage, then you’ll hate this movie, but if you want to see something that you haven’t before and are willing to soak in some melancholy for a couple hours, I highly recommend it.

Score

8/10

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We watched Ernest Scared Stupid and were reminded of a simpler time when all you needed for a kids movie was a man with bizarre facial expressions and copious amounts of boogers.

Synopsis

Many years ago an ancient evil was locked away in the earth below Briarville, Missouri and today our lovable clutz, Ernest has unleashed it upon the children. Won’t someone think of the children? 

Well, Ernest did an oopsy and now he’s going to right his wrong with the help of all the kids in Briarville. But that means he will have to face the terrifying Trantor the troll!

Will Ernest be able to save the kid’s souls? Will he fuck up even worse? Will children who watch this movie get more trolls than they bargain for? 

Review

Ernest Scared Stupid is probably the most memorable of all ten Ernest movies that have been made starring the legendary Jim Varney.

There is a tried and true method for making kids movies that I think might have started with Honey, I Shrunk the Kids where the kids would build elaborate contraptions that were as goofy as they were oddly effective. This is one of those, but with the added benefit of starring a pre Jim Carrey slapstick aficionado, and goofball. 

When you add trolls and a special effects department helmed by the Chiodo Brothers, apparently what you get is a horror movie made for kids that is so effective that I still remember it with glee.

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Has this film aged well? It depends who you ask. If you are talking to me, I remember this being far more terrifying and interesting. If you ask my kids they will cry and tell you that it was the scariest thing they’ve ever seen.

This film isn’t for me, but it’s a cult millennial legend for a reason. It did a lot of things right, even if it’s too scary for little kids and way too boring for me.

This is a fabulous introduction to horror for kids, being accessible, fun, and not so gentle that kids feel belittled or coddled. It’s got some potty humor, but honestly that’s one of it’s strong-points.

Ernest Scared Stupid is a ton of family fun and an easy title to throw on for background noise or to keep the kids entertained while you have a Halloween party.

Score

4/10

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We went and saw Malignant, and It had me all turned around. I didn’t know if this movie was coming or going. Wan is an experienced filmmaker, but this film makes me wonder if he had brain trauma since Aquaman.

• (1:27) – Intro
• (5:51) – Trailer
• (8:42) – Synopsis
• (9:07) – Review
• (15:42) – Score
• (25:50) – Spoilers
• (1:02:17) – Make it Better
• (1:18:01) – Outro

Malignant can be found in theaters now and streaming on HBO Max until Oct 10

Synopsis

Malignant is about an abused wife, Madison (Annabelle Wallis), who after her husband is murdered, begins to see a figure in the shadows and having visions of murders. She finds out that these murders are real and that she has been witnessing them in real time. As police investigate the crimes, they seem to be tied together and related somehow to Madison’s past.

Review of Malignant (2021)

James Wan, the director of Malignant is an accomplished horror director. Say what you want about The Conjuring, Saw, and … Aquaman? The truth is he is a competent director that has made some very enjoyable and successful movies. So much so, that entire franchises have been launched from his films. So the question is. How did Malignant happen? Is this a joke?

I can only assume that Wan intentionally made a bad movie, because otherwise, the only explanation is head trauma. 

There are times when it shines with pure stupid fun — mainly the opening and ending scenes — but the majority of the movie seems to have poor footing with its tone. I could see some of these terrible lines of dialogue and ridiculous plotting work in a committed exaggerated campy horror film, But foolishly, everyone is playing it subdued and straight. I sat there watching the film, bored for most of it, desperately wanting a Bruce Campbell in Evil Dead 2 type actor to bring some levity and self awareness. Nope, just performances of the caliber that you would see on your mom’s favorite c-tier CBS crime procedural.

The influences are many and varied. I’m reminded of most of Wans career with elements of The Conjuring and Saw apparent, but also campy horror classics like Re-Animator and Basket Case. However, instead of taking disparate ingredients and making an enjoyable stew, we are treated more to a bachelor’s feast of unrelated stale cold leftovers eaten out of tupperware containers. 

The film could have gone a number of ways to explain what is happening to Madison. It could be a haunting, a possession, a serial killer, psychic powers, etc. What it ends up being, is so dumb that you almost want to stand up and clap.

I wish I could like this movie more, but the story in the middle of the film, and the characters are so boring, The ridiculous parts that I did enjoy couldn’t overcome them.

Score

3/10

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In this first official episode of the Midnight Mass Aftershow, we cover Book 1: Genesis. We introduce the characters and start asking ourselves questions about where we think the show will go.

• (0:47) – Welcome
• (1:41) – Opening Prayer
• (3:19) – Synopsis
• (6:06) – Sermon

Synopsis

This first episode starts out with Riley Flynn being convicted of vehicular manslaughter and serving 4 years in prison. As he returns home to the island community of Crockett, we are introduced to his family and the other townspeople of note. Much ado is made of the return of Monsignor Pruitt the elderly priest coming back from a pilgrimage to the Holy Land. The townspeople are surprised to learn that Monsignor Pruitt is replaced temporarily with Father Paul hill. Along with the arrival of Riley and Father Hill, spooky things are afoot in the dark of night.

We pick up where we left off, the day after the storm, but there is an unexpected surprise washed up on the beach.

• (0:45) – Welcome
• (1:44) – Opening Prayer
• (2:35) – Synopsis
• (6:26) – Sermon

Synopsis

This episode contains death, the building of relationships, the building of faith, and even the what appears to be a modern day miracle.

We get to see a little bit more of the mysterious humanoid that stalks the island, and seems to be stalking Erin.

In this episode, we discuss the major revelation of what happened to Monsignor Pruitt.

• (0:45) – Welcome
• (1:38) – Opening Prayer
• (2:15) – Synopsis
• (4:09) – Sermon

Synopsis

This episode fills in details about what happened to Monsignor Pruitt. We also pick up right at the moment after Leesa’s spine is healed. The town clamors for more healings and Riley is skeptical. Signs of de-aging become more pronounced, but no one openly talks about it.

This episode of the aftershow we get to discuss some of the most pivotal revelations of Midnight Mass.

• (0:46) – Welcome
• (1:42) – Opening Prayer
• (2:58) – Synopsis
• (6:06) – Sermon

Synopsis

This episode starts with Erin at the doctors office, where they find one of the most disconcerting things I can possibly imagine out about her pregnancy, the baby appears to have vanished from inside her womb.

This episode is pivotal to the series so far in that we finally realize what the flying, cat eating presence is, and what role it plays.

We also learn that this new pastor is not new at all, but monseniour all young and vibrant again. 

Finally, we get into pithy and heartfelt dialog about what life and death are and how they can mean different things to different people.

Gospel means the good news, and this episode has some of the worst news for our favorite characters.

• (0:46) – Welcome
• (1:45) – Opening Prayer
• (2:42) – Synopsis
• (4:42) – Sermon

Synopsis

Riley is missing, and Erin is searching all over the island for him. Father Paul is starting to sound more militant in his Good Friday Sermon, and Mildred is appearing almost as young as her daughter. We eventually find out what Riley’s fate is and have some of the most emotional moments in the series.

At this point, everything has been set in motion and we get to see what “God” wants for the island of Crockett. Listen to Episode 6 of the Midnight Mass Aftershow.

• (0:45) – Welcome
• (1:22) – Synopsis
• (3:37) – Opening Prayer
• (4:30) – Sermon

Synopsis

This episode starts with Erin In the boat where… stuff just went down.

At this point, everything has been set in motion and we get to see what God wants for the island of Crockett.

The apostles who have been chosen on the island are setting to work doing what has to be done to spread salvation to the rest of the island.

We sit and watch in dread and I have to wonder, is this all part of God’s plan? Maybe he does work in mysterious ways. Maybe this is salvation. Maybe those who stand opposed to Bev and Monsenior Pruit are in defiance of God’s will. 

If that is the case, would you accept the sacrament? Would you follow this God?