Horror Movie Talk

We went and saw Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City, the reboot to the Resident Evil series, and I was pleasantly surprised by the total lack of Paul W.S. Anderson and Milla Jovovich.

@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.

Synopsis

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City is the story of Raccoon City, a city built by the giant pharmaceutical megacorp, The Umbrella Corp. 

For years Raccoon City has been home to The Umbrella Corp and now, Umbrella is leaving Raccoon City. This story takes place in a mostly deserted Raccoon City, where a skeleton crew has been left to pack up what’s left of the facility and anyone else in the city who was too poor to afford moving out.

We soon learn why The Umbrella Corp is moving out of Raccoon city, and everyone gets more vaccinated zombies than they bargained for.

Review

Having seen a few of the other Resident Evil movies, I was dreading this watch. While the original movie is fun enough for what it is, the rest of these movies are the definition of what has been wrong with Hollywood for the last 20 years.

Huge explosions with overcomplicated storylines that amount to the writers version of hacking a computer by violently mashing the keyboard incoherently.

But Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City reboots this series down to it’s barebones. This was directed by Johannes Roberts, who also did 47 Meters Down: Uncaged and 47 Meters Down and he did what video game lovers have asked countless directors to do for over 25 years – he made a direct video game to film adaptation of the first three resident evil games. 

Is it the best thing I’ve ever seen? No. Is it fun with some genuinely spooky and disturbing moments? Yep! 

Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City takes a tired, fucked out franchise and returns it to it’s honest-to-God roots, and does it with some fun.

The first two acts are genuinely interesting and scary, and had me bought in. The last act devolves into stereotypical big monster battles and explosions, but even some of that was pretty fun.

Overall, this took the most disgustingly bad franchise I can think of and gave it a new lease on life. While it did lean heavily on the games for inspiration and iconic imagery, I think that’s a step in the right direction. Because what are we seeing a Resident Evil movie for if not to relive those moments in the games that made us gasp?

Go ahead and real our blog by Leah on how Jill Valentine got screwed. 

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Score

6/10

As an early Christmas gift to our listeners, and thanks to everyone that got us to our goal of 100 patrons at Patreon.com/horrormovietalk, we are releasing our own commentary track for The Human Centipede.

Just fire up your copy of the movie and press play when we tell you in the audio track to follow along.

Sometimes an anthology movie hits you just right. A Christmas Horror Story tells four tales of fright ranging from unnerving to dumb fun. It’s low budget, but enjoyable. Listen to our review.

Synopsis

In the fictional town of Bailey Downs, where the war on Christmas is won, because no one knows about popular hymns or bible verses related to the holiday, we are told 4 different holiday horror stories. Santa fights off zombie elves, a family full of assholes inadvertently summons Krampus, a cops family finds a changeling, and a group of teens learn the Scooby doo’s and Scooby Don’ts of ghost hunting. There is also a radio host played by William Shatner that has almost nothing to do with anything.

Review of A Christmas Horror Story

A Christmas Horror Story is an anthology horror movie done right. It takes stories that could almost, but not quite be stretched into full length movies, and bundles them together in a thematic group of short films. The concepts, or gimmicks if you like, take front stage, and some minorly fleshed out characters are inserted into the action to act as fodder for our delight. The tales range from slightly disturbing, to truly unsettling, to goofy gory fun.

I really enjoyed the ride. I think each story held its own and none felt redundant. My only real complaint is that my suspension of disbelief was affected by one or two “bith get out the house” moments, and a befuddling lack of christmas tradition knowledge by some of the characters.

I think the Santa story edges out the other three as the most enjoyable, mostly because you get to hear Santa mournfully call out ridiculous elf names as he has to fight them off. Sparkles no!!!

Score

8/10

A Christmas Horror Story

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We watched The Number 23 and I was barely able to stay awake through this portrayal of the dark, end times of The Truman Show.

@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.

Synopsis

The Number 23 can be found for rent on most major platforms right now.

The Number 23 is the story of Walter Sparrow who becomes obsessed with a book that seems to have deep connections with his life. As he reads the novel, he begins to see clues that it may tie into the real world.

As Walter dives down this rabbit hole, he becomes obsessed with the obsession of the protagonist of the novel – the number 23.

Will Walter be able to hold on to his sanity, or will he suffer the same fate as the man in the book?

Review

I find it hard to review The Number 23 because it’s so forgettable and boring throughout with such a silly premise that I just can’t take it seriously. 

It’s directed by Joel Schumacher and stars Jim Carrey and it’s exactly what you would expect that pairing of fellas would produce. 

If you aren’t familiar with numerology and the mental gymnastics that it takes to believe any of that bullshit, this movie will catch you up quite well. Just don’t expect to be interested or enlightened.

Between Walter’s real life and the life he delves into while reading his book, you would think one of them would be interesting. 

The over-saturation of the film while we experience what Walter reads is annoying but why stop there?

The constant adding and subtracting of seemingly symbolic numbers to achieve the number 23 falls so flat in what it tries to achieve that I can only laugh. The stakes are supposed to hinge on these coincidences in the number 23, but even the dimmest bulb will find them to be a stretch.

The twists and turns of the end arise as quickly as they are doused, and the final reveal happens with 20 minutes left in the movie, leaving the remaining 20 minutes to clumsily mop up the pieces.

It kind of bums me out because it’s probably the only Jim Carrey movie that we will ever get to review, unless The Cable Guy could somehow be considered horror.

If you are looking for a crazy thriller, please try The Invitation, The House That Jack Built, or Ready or Not over The Number 23.

Watch The Number 23

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Score

2/10

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It’s really the grade-schooler level diagrams that really sell it for me. This week we review one of my favorites, and I’m still not sure what that says about me. Join us on our break down of The Human Centipede.

Synopsis

The Human Centipede is about a centipede made out of humans. I mean it’s right there in the title, I don’t think that’s a spoiler. A mad German surgeon who’s specialty is the separation of Siamese twins decides to go in a different direction when he kidnaps a couple of American tourists who show up at his door.  

Review of The Human Centipede (First Sequence)

This movie exists in a world of it’s own. I think Roger Ebert said it best:

“I am required to award stars to movies I review. This time, I refuse to do it. The star rating system is unsuited to this film. Is the movie good? Is it bad? Does it matter? It is what it is and occupies a world where the stars don’t shine.”

Roger Ebert

I’ll disagree and say that this film is great. It’s one of my favorite horror movies because of the absolute unflinching commitment to a ridiculous premise, while just barely betraying itself with subtle touches of dark dark humor.

At walks the razors edge of storytelling and utter depravity. 

It’s a movie that you only need to watch once, because it is going to stick with you.

Score

10/10

The Human Centipede

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This was a really interesting movie that Bryce loved and David was ambivalent about.

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We watched Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin on Paramount+ and I am so pleased with the fresh breath of quality that it has brought to this flailing franchise. While the activity is mostly not paranormal, it ain’t normal, and that’s good enough for me!

@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.

Synopsis

Margot is a young woman who was abandoned by her mother at a hospital as a baby. She heads to the Amish countryside to reconnect with the family that she 23 and me claims she came from. 

She brings Chris and Dale with her to shoot a documentary that will follow her journey to reconnect with the community that she was torn from at such a young age.

As Margot and her small crew are reluctantly welcomed by the Amish, they begin to notice that certain activities are going on across the spacious countryside – paranormal activities.

Review

Directed by William Eubank who also directed Underwater, Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin brings the franchise back from the brink and gives it a kick in the old pantaloons.

While it doesn’t carry on with the same content that we came to love in Paranormal Activity 1-3, it does have a solid premise, a great setting, and some decent scares.

Mostly, I’m just thrilled to death that Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin was entertaining and well-done. There was a simple mystery placed before me, and plenty of twists and turns to keep me enthralled. While the subject matter is a bit different than the previous installments, it was still consistent and interesting. 

When I think of the Paranormal Activity series, the first three are top tier. But 4-6 get hung up on goofy camera hijinks, played out tropes, and throw away acting and directing choices. Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin stands on it’s own two demon haunches and manages to be an original installment worth watching. 

Watch Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin

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Score

8/10

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If you mess with the Wendigo, you get the antlers…

Synopsis

Antlers tells the story of meth cookers inadvertently disturbing an ancient evil, and the middle school teacher and student that suffer the consequences. Keri Russel stars as Julia Meadows, who has returned home to begin her first year as a middle school teacher. While dealing with trauma and guilt surrounding her childhood, she notices a student displaying signs of trauma. Jeremy Thomas plays Lucas Weaver,  the young boy that resembles a Tim Burton sketch. He is hiding the secret of his sick father and brother in his attic, who he is taking care of. Their sickness makes his father a rage filled, ravenous monster, and this is problematic for young Lucas.

Review of Antlers

In the marketing, it heavily pushes Guiermo Del Toro’s name, but he only produced, and it was actually directed by Scott Cooper, who has mainly directed dramas before, such as Crazy Heart and Black Mass. It shows here, because the drama and internal world of the characters is front and center throughout most of the film. It turns what could be just a special effects demonstration monster movie into an actual story with stakes.

I was looking forward to this movie. I wouldn’t say I had high expectations, but it definitely piqued my interest. The trailers show very little, but really sell the movie based on the performance of Jeremy Thomas.

Out of all the new releases this year that I was looking forward to, this is the only one that actually delivered. This is a compelling and emotionally complex film, but it also has some of the year’s best gore and jump scares.

I highly recommend it.

Score

8/10

Pan’s Labyrinth
The Criterion Collection

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We went and saw Last Night in Soho and came away impressed but not enthralled. This is a movie that is well made and acted but just doesn’t hold much for me to relate to.

That being said, it was an undeniably good twisted thriller that uses a tried and true formula to keep the audience thrown off the scent of the twist at the end.

@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.

Synopsis

Last Night in Soho is about a girl in the present day named Ellie (Thomasin McKenzie). Ellie is a budding fashion designer who moves to the big city of London, where she is going to school to pursue her dreams.

Coming from a small town and with a questionable heritage of mental health problems, Ellie is overwhelmed and taken advantage of in this new environment. She leaves the dorms after her roommate proves herself to the the biggest bitch I’ve ever seen on the silver screen.

Ellie moves in with an elderly woman named Ms. Collins, who has a single room for rent in Soho. 

When going to sleep in this room, Ellie is transported via dream into the world of London in the 60’s where she follows a gorgeous young woman named Sandy (Anya Taylor-Joy) who wants to make it big in show business and befriends a dashing manager, Jack (Matt Smith) played by Dr. Who.

 But what hides behind her idyllic dream of the 60’s is a dark and dangerous side of London that’s still present today. 

Will London take advantage of Ellie, or will she learn from the tragic and terrifying story of Sandy?

Review

Last Night in Soho is a mystery/thriller that is well-made and fun. It’s also dark and twisted with a fabulous soundtrack of solid 60’s hits and a wonderful cast of competent actors.

It presents themes of bullying, human trafficking, mental illness, and revenge but it’s wrapped in such a sugary-sweet, neon-light fun show that the scares feel more like suggestions.

If those themes sound like content that will trigger you, however, this will likely be a very scary movie for you.
I, on the other hand, have not had to deal with much in the way of being preyed upon by men, or severe mental illness, so Last Night in Soho didn’t hit home for me.

Watch Last Night in Soho

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I can definitely appreciate that this is a well-made and thoughtful approach to a number of serious issues, but I’m not the target audience. I feel like this is geared toward women and suffers of mental abuse, but it’s so well-done that it will appeal to general audiences much more than hard horror fans.

It was a little long but the length felt warranted and even necessary. If you are looking for hardcore horror, this may not be your best bet. I would steer you toward Antlers for the crazier side of horror that’s available in theaters right now.

We reviewed a real stinker of a boring movie in episode 33 titled Greta and this feels like that movie done well because of the themes, setting, and characters.

Score

7/10

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Remember how Michael Myers was burned in fire? No you don’t, shut up. He’s fine, he was just resting. This week we review Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers with special guest Bug-Z!

Synopsis

10 years have passed since the events of Halloween 1 & 2 (the first ones), and Michael Myers has awakened from a coma to escape from a prison transport. He hears that he has a niece, and will stop at nothing to kill her, because that’s kind of his thing.

Review of Halloween 4

Halloween 4 is a Halloween Movie. It’s got Michael Myers. You should pretty much know what it is just by reading the title. You’re going to get kills. You’re going to have a stabby boy. The only difference is going to be the tone of the film, and the quality of kills.

Halloween 4 goes full-on.

This is the first Halloween movie where I kind of get it. Once they allow Michael Myers to poke a hole in a skull with his thumb… the series has turned a corner. Now he’s not just a guy with a knife, his hands are knives too!

I enjoyed this entry a little more than the first two, but it is still limited by what it is. Loomis emphatically reminding us that Michael is not human, but EVIL, and various characters getting set up to be killed.

Score

7/10

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers

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