Horror Movie Talk

We went and saw Saint Maud, and Oh god, Oh God, Oh gooood!

Saint Maud can be found on Epix streaming and on Region b/2 bluray.

Synopsis

Saint Maud is about a devout christian English nurse named Maud played by Morfydd Clark, who takes a job as an in house hospice nurse for an American ex-pat Amanda, played by Jennifer Ehle. Amanda is an ex-dancer/choreographer of some fame, that still holding onto as much drama and vanity as she can in her final moments. Maud becomes enamoured with Amanda and quickly takes her on as her personal project to save her soul before she dies. 

Maud starts off looking like a typical naive, but earnest believer, but soon is eventually revealed as a dangerously unhinged zealot. 

Review of Saint Maud

This is my type of movie. It’s another film suggested by hard fucker Dustin Goebel. 

It is the best example of a slow burn. While not the same thing at all, this is the infinitely better version of “I Am the Pretty Thing That Lives in the House”. Unlike the aforementioned, the pacing is excellent. There is plenty of room given for character development and for things to unfold in a very natural way. Without much hand holding, you are given everything you need to know to unravel the puzzle that is Maud. If it weren’t for a couple disturbing flashbacks in the beginning of the film, you would never expect that this would be a horror movie. 

It really is impressive how off balance this film kept me. It felt like it could have gone in dozens of different directions. I think I would have been satisfied with any of them, because I was thoroughly on-board by the mid point of the movie. The last act really ups the tension because of the uncertainty of how it is going to end, and when it comes it is deeply disturbing and satisfying. I highly recommend seeing this movie. It’s up there with anything by Ari Aster or Robert Eggars.

Score

10/10

Saint Maud

Watch it now

Buy Now

Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code HMT at Manscaped.com

Get 13% Off your order at NightChannels.com when you use code HMT at checkout.

We watched Pieces on Shudder, and it was a fun if extremely dated slasher from 1982. It’s got intensely awkward scenes, lots of nudity, and is the ultimate form of copycat slasher bullshit. Listen to Horror Movie Talk’s take on this fun and puzzling slasher.

Pieces can be found on Shudder and Amazon.

Watch the trailer for Pieces:

Pieces starts with a young boy putting a smutty puzzle together. His mom walks in on him fiddling around with this puzzle and does what any good mom would do; she flips out. The boy leaves and comes back within ten seconds wielding an ax that he uses to murder the bejesus out of his mom. This supposedly happens in the 1940s, which is weird because I don’t know for sure, but I imagine it was remarkably hard to get your hands on a smut puzzle from the ’80s in the ’40s.

We fast forward in time 40 years to a university that is
having some issues with a grizzly series of chainsaw murders. The movie
transforms into a who done it with plenty of potential suspects that could be
the shadowy killer who seemingly only targets attractive, naked co-eds.

Pieces wants to be a fun, funny, cult slasher, and to some extent it is. It tried so hard to cash in on the early slasher craze that it actually ends up being a fun, funny, cult slasher because of how hard it falls on its face. It is good because it’s bad, and it’s funny because it’s not. Gratuitousness and bad irony are what rules the day in Pieces, and I had a pretty fun time watching this.

My Rating

3/10

On paper, this movie
is a solid 2/10, but somehow, through
silly bullshit and charm, it edges it’s way up into a pretty watchable piece of
camp fun.

Spoiler for Pieces

In the opening where the little boy kills his mom, the goof-factor is already off the charts.
How did this boy make it to ten years old without already killing his mom? So
much about this scene is silly that I immediately knew I was in for a good
time.

When the police entered the room where the boy murdered his mother, they found her severed head in the
closet, and I laughed out loud at how alive the actor who played his mother was
behind that dresser. I think I saw her eyes move.

The stars of Pieces are all B movie and TV actors, with the only two actors of any real note being Lynda Day George (Mary Riggs, the hot undercover cop/tennis player) and Christopher George (Lt. Bracken who looks an awful lot like a young Roger Moore).

There was a lot of audio dubbing and voice over work in this movie, which was distracting at first, but after some time it just added to the campiness of it.

Weird Storytelling

The who done it aspect of Pieces is only interesting enough for you to say, “Hey, they are trying to do some sort of Clue ripoff.” However, then you would be terribly wrong because Clue didn’t hit theaters until three years later in 1985 – silly you. The story is very heavy-handed in its suggestion that the antagonist is Professor Arthur Brown, which leads you to believe that it’s probably him.

Professor Brown is in charge of the Anatomy Dept. and is
always sneaking around where he shouldn’t be.

It also insinuates that the killer might be the beefy
groundskeeper with the shifty eyes who enjoys stroking his chainsaw when he
isn’t raking the grounds of the University or shiftily shifting his eyes.

Pool Sex?

At one point in Pieces, a girl asks one of the lead characters, Kendall, if he wants to have sex in the school pool. He answers in the affirmative, then becomes sidelined by a plot point. As she waits for him in the pool, she is murdered, which is a good thing because let me just say, you should never have sex in a pool.

Not only is pool sex gross for everyone else who has to use
the pool after you, but it can also cause
some nasty UTI’s and other infections that can mess up your system for weeks,
maybe months. This girl is extremely lucky that she was killed before having sex in the pool.

Insane Deaths

The deaths in Pieces are ridiculous to the point of being hilarious. Some of the ways that people die in Pieces are:

• Skateboarding through a mirror
• Chainsaw in the pool room
• Chainsaw in the garden
• Chainsaw in the elevator
• Waterbed stabbing
• Ax to the noggin
• Death by pool skimmer
• Death by dick grab

Pieces also include a tremendous amount of what is almost stock-footage-level boring shots and scenes. Some of the most notable boring bologna that you will have to sit through includes:

Stock Footage Bonanza

• The killer solving a smutty puzzle
• Jazzercise
• The lowest energy tennis match I’ve ever seen at any level, let alone “pro” level
• Boring chit chat

The ending of this movie reminded me of the 2018 The House That Jack Built ending. The lousy Dean was building a corpse replica of his mother out of the PIECES of his victims. It made me wonder if The House That Jack Built was paying some respect to this somewhat lovable piece of shit

In the end, it was
that LOUSY DEAN!

Hard to Enjoy

I wanted to review Pieces because we had such a great time reviewing Sleepaway Camp that I wanted to try and recapture that. I don’t feel as fondly about Pieces as I do about Sleepaway Camp, but I can’t quite pinpoint why. It has something to do with the stock footage and the lack of care or empathy that I had for any of the boring characters in Pieces.

Final Recommendation

Pieces is a movie to get drunk or high to, a movie to eat pizza to, a movie to talk over. It’s campy, it’s fun, it’s bad. It’s even got aggressive Kung-Fu. If you like any of those things, check it out on Shudder or Amazon.

This week we rewatched Mel Brooks’ comedy horror masterpiece, Young Frankenstein, and with the recent passing of Cloris Leachman, I’m starting to think that the cast are immortal warriors battling until the last man standing ala Highlander. It looks like Gene Hackman and Terry Garr are setting their sights on each other.

Finally we review a comedy horror classic. Next up, Dracula, Dead and Loving It.

It can inexplicably only be found on Starz subscription as of this recording.

Young Frankenstein Synopsis

Young Frankenstein is a satire remake of the Universal Frankenstein movies. It stars Gene Wilder as Frederick Frankenstein, the grandson of the infamous mad scientist Victor Frankenstein that created a monster out of dead flesh. This YOUNGER Frankenstein, seeks to distance himself from the infamy of his family, but finds himself being driven by destiny to follow in his grandfather’s Vootshteps. Along the way he is assisted by Marty Feldman as Igor the stock minion that comes with his family castle, Cloris Leachman as Frau Blucher the housekeeper, and Terri Garr as Inga the lab assistant. The cast is rounded out by Frankenstein’s fiancee Elizabeth played by Madeline Kahn and the monster played by Peter Boyle. 

Young Frankenstein is a loving homage to the Universal horror movies of the 30’s and a lot of care is taken to match the look and feel of the original Frankenstein. But more to the point, the film is a platform to make dick jokes while playing on man’s greatest fear: Germans.

Review of Young Frankenstein

Mel Brooks, who directed and cowrote with Wilder sees Young Franknestein as his best film, and third funniest behind Blazing Saddles and The Producers (Both starring Gene Wilder coincidentally). I would agree with that. As an homage to black and white gothic horror, and specifically the 1931 original, this film hits dead center on target. However, a resulting downside is that the pacing matches the slow and measured progression of its source material. 

The cast of Young Frankenstein is perfect, and each are excellent comedians in their own rights, but Gene Wilder stands head and shoulders above the rest of the cast with a pitch perfect mad scientist that swings from mania to bottled rage. Watching him in this film is a master class on silence and timing in comedy.

There are a ton of jokes and gags, that are as funny and juvenile as you would expect from any Brooks film, but most of the laughs come from the line delivery and reactions of the amazing cast.

Score

9/10

Young Frankenstein

Add the Blu-ray to your collection or stream it now

Buy Now

Get 20% Off + Free Shipping, with the code HMT at Manscaped.com

Get 13% Off your order at NightChannels.com when you use code HMT at checkout.

We have been told that we needed to see The Dark and the Wicked by several of our friends and listeners, and I can see why. This is a scary movie if paranormal subject matter is your thing.

Watch The Dark and The Wicked

Watch on Amazon

Click Here to Watch

Synopsis

The Dark and the Wicked is the story of a family of grown, adult children Louise (Marin Ireland) and Michael (Michael Abbott Jr.), and their aging parents. 

Their mother (Julie Oliver-Touchstone) has been taking care of their father (Michael Zagst) whose health is failing leaving him non-responsive and bedridden. Mom has also been doing her best to take care of the family farm, in an unmentioned American rural area somewhere in the heartland.

The kids are back at home trying to help their mother with the care of their ailing father.

Mom seems to be haunted by something that creeps onto the property at night, and begs her children to leave.

As the story progresses we begin to learn about the family’s lack of faith and everyone gets more dark and wicked shit than they bargained for.

Review

This movie was Directed by Bryan Bertino, who was the writer and director for The Strangers and Producer for The Blackcoat’s Daughter, this is similar and ambiance to those movies. It was released in November of 2020.

The Dark and the Wicked is a serious movie that doesn’t offer a lot in the way of light moments or levity of any kind. It starts serious and spooky, and does a good job of keeping that ramp going until the end. It felt a lot like The Lodge from 2020, in it’s super serious tone.

The settings are bleak and run-down, and the characters are sad and in a state of mourning almost constantly. Add to that, there is something that seems to be preying on this family and trying to tear them apart, and you have a movie that might not be for everyone.

With that being said, we here at HMT are pretty jaded but this set my spook detector off more than a few times. 

The imagery is disturbing. The scares are not always easy to feel coming, and there are a few scenes that made me distinctly uncomfortable.

The Dark and the Wicked is a strong entry into the paranormal horror sub-genre and is a must-see for anyone who really needs to be subjected to unpleasantness. 

Score

8/10

Final Recommendations

This is a paranormal fan’s dream come true. It’s also pretty great for anyone who enjoys possession movies.

Jaws is the archetypal monster movie blockbuster, and for good reason, It’s great! Spielberg and the principle actors do a fantastic job of capturing the dread and dangers of the sea and the eponymous shark.

Patrons voted, and we rewatched Jaws, and if you don’t like this movie, you don’t like movies.

Jaws can be found on HBO Max as of this recording, and any where else you rent movies.

Jaws Synopsis

Jaws is about the origins of one of the most popular James Bond Henchmen. We learn about how he gained his signature steel teeth and brute strength in this emotional coming of age tale.

That’s not the Jaws YOU watched?

OH JAWS. The shark film by that up and comer Stevie Spielberg? OK, I’ve seen that, we can talk about that instead.

That movie is based on the Peter Benchley novel of the same name about a huge killer Great White Shark terrorizing the island community of Amity.

Review of Jaws

Jaws is Jaws. It’s pretty much the shark movie, every other shark movie is compared to, and for good reason, it’s the best one! There are many imitators, but none live up to its example. This film is great at portraying a known, but not fully respected actual killing machine. But what makes the movie great is the skill of the direction, and the great acting of the principle cast.

Score

10/10

Jaws

Add the Blu-ray to your collection or stream it now

Buy Now

Our patrons decided that it was time for us to review Hellhouse LLC, and frankly, I’m not even mad. This is a found footage movie about a Halloween spookhouse from 2015 and it does a pretty great job at unnerving me late at night.

Watch Hellhouse LLC

Watch on Amazon

Click here to Watch

Synopsis

Five years after a disaster at a local spookhouse known as Hellhouse LLC where 15 people lost their lives, a documentary crew goes back to the scene to try and determine what really happened.

What they learn is that a group of young but somewhat experienced spookhouse creators bought the abandoned Abaddon hotel, which they planned to make into a spookhouse for the Halloween season.

Good news for the documentary crew – the Hellhouse LLC crew decided to take video footage of their whole project from beginning to end. 

The premise at the start is that it’s a documentary, which draws my attention quite well. At some point it seems to shift into a first-person perspective of the Hellhouse Crew. and then it remains that way for almost the entire rest of the movie.

This includes buying the Abaddon hotel, and trying to make it safe enough, clean enough, and scary enough to be a Halloween destination.

As the group fix up the hotel, they also live there, because otherwise the cost-benefit-analysis doesn’t add up, and as you might imagine, it gets weird. 

This prop clown keeps showing up all over the house and it seems like there might be someone else living there. 

As Halloween draws nearer, they start to lose it, and end up with more Hellhouse than they bargained for.

Review

Hellhouse LLC and both sequels, were written and directed by the same guy, Stephen Cognetti.

I immediately was hooked because it was a better-than-average found footage movie from the outset of the movie. The thing that struck me immediately was how they kept talking about “the incident” as though it was this astonishingly terrifying occurrence, and it sucked me in from there.

Almost the entire movie is set within this already spooky place that they are fixing up to be even spookier, so the set almost always includes weird imagery and backdrops.

The characters are jaded enough to be believable in their ability to live in such a place, which makes the premise solid enough to be believable.

Really, Hellhouse LLC boils down to a solid premise with a very scary setting and a lot of hype. 

Ultimately the payout at the end is pretty intense, but I can see how some might be underwhelmed when it’s been built up so much by the documentary portion of this film.

In terms of scary movies, this is one to me, and that’s something of an accomplishment in itself.

Score

8/10

Final Recommendations

If you enjoy found footage horror, Hellhouse LLC is one of the good ones. I would also recommend this to anyone who digs on clown related horror – blech!

This week we are having a different kind of show. This show we are looking back at the delightsome year that was 2020, and awarding the best and worst of Horror Movie Talk.

Best ad

• Ju-on (The Grudge)
• Gators ade (Crawl)
• Blumhouses The Brady Bunch (Fantasy Island)
• Donald Deadly Doll Emporium (Brahms: The Boy 2)
• Paganism (The Wicker Man)
• Virginity Incorporated (It Follows)
• The Company (Alien)
• Wormhole to go (Event Horizon)
• Sincorporated: Hedonism (Seven)
• Jigsaw’s Seesaws (Saw)
• Anti-Santa Home Defense (Better Watch Out)

Best new drop

• Chompa Chompa (Crawl)
• Bye Bye Man (Bye Bye Man)
• Oh Hey Ho, a Squirrel (Wrong Turn)
• Tits, Boobs, Boobies…Machines (Wrong Turn)
• Paganism (The Wicker Man)
• Drain Addict slew
• Candy Man Song (The Candy Man)
• It’s thick (Around Scream)
• Can I see one Titty? (Ghost Ship)
• Ew David (Friday the 13th part 2?)

Best new Bit

• FNict or Fcagetion
• Don’t Blank on The Blank (CAndyman)
• BAconator (Tremors) 
• Horror Movie or Frankie MacDonald
• Guess That Death (The Exorcist)
• Horror Movie Whoooores (Event Horizon)
• Christmas Wishlist by Country Living (Krampus)

Best Guest

• Garrett (Event Horizon)
• Erin (Trick R Treat)
• Brad (Rats)
• David’s Mom (Rosemary’s Baby)
• Magnus (Bye Bye Man (Bryce))
• Marc (Alien)
• Dustin (Possessor)

Best Interview

• JJ Villard (Friday the 13th)
• Robert Englund (Nightmare on Elm Street)
• Cat Solen (It Follows)
• Derek Carl and Hank Huffman (The Brain that Wouldn’t Die)
• Tara Westwood (Color Out of Space)

Thirstiest Moment

• Tara Westwood interview (Color Out of Space)
• Cop in Invisible Man
• Micah Monrow (It Follows)
• Drew Barrymore
• Riley Keough
• Booty Shorts
• Janelle Monet
• Ass shot

Best Tagline

• The Platform: The Hunger Games part 2
• Gretel & Hansel: and that was the last time the German’s used ovens for evil
• Wrong Turn: Looks like their Genes took a wrong turn
• Wrong Turn: its as if cable made a movie for itself
• Never Trust a Swede
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The what not to do part of to do portion of the chainsaw safety course
• The Brain That Wouldn’t die: Could you fuck a head? Asking for a friend.
• Antebellum: The Village, Woke Edition
• Antebellum: If ye ain’t fer bellum, you’re anti bellum
• Terror Train: Trapped on a train with the true terror, illusionists
• Terror Train: We run a train on your terror

Worst Horror Movie We Watched this year

• Bats
• The Turning
• The Bye Bye Man
• Event Horizon
• Terror Train
• Rats

Best Horror Movie We Watched this year

• Alien
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre
• The Exorcist
• Seven
• Possessor Uncut
• Rosemary’s Baby
• The Blair Witch Project

Worst New Horror Movie of 2020

• Gretel & Hansel
• The Lodge
• Antebellum
• Fantasy Island
• Underwater
• The Turning

Best New Movie of 2020

• Possessor Uncut
• Invisible Man
• His House
• Color Out of Space
• The Platform
• The Brain that Wouldn’t Die

Interesting Scoring Stats

Looking through the scores we’ve given for all the movies we’ve reviewed, it was interesting to see where we agreed and disagreed.

Perfect 10s

All of these films received a perfect 10/10 score from both Bryce and David.

• Alien
• Texas Chainsaw Massacre
• The Exorcist
• Seven
• Possessor Uncut
• Rosemary’s Baby
• The Blair Witch Project

Lowest Scored

These were the lowest scoring movies, including our first movie to receive a 1/10 from both of us (Rats).

• The Bye Bye Man
• Event Horizon
• Terror Train
• Rats

Biggest Discrepancies in Scores

• The Lodge (David=9, Bryce=4)
• Host (2020) (David=4, Bryce=9)

Best Co-Host

• David Day
• Bryce Hanson

Terror Train is slasher set on a train during New Years Eve. That’s pretty much all you need to know. 

Synopsis

It’s set in an alternate universe where people celebrate new years, by chartering a train for an eyes wide shut style costume party fuck fest, people never disclose pertinent life and death information, and David Copperfield is sexy. 

At the opening of the film, we are introduced to a group of friends including the ring leader Doc (Hart Bochner), and a sorority sister, and final girl expert Jamie Lee Curtis playing Alana. By the way, this was shot only a year after the release of Jamie’s breakout role in Halloween.

The beginning of the movie is set 3 years prior, on a fateful new years celebration where this group of friends punk-ed a fraternity pledge student so hard that he spun himself into an insane asylum.

3 Years later, during the train ride, the students start getting murdered by a mysterious… almost magical killer.

Review or Terror Train

I picked Terror Train because I was trying to find a horror movie set during New Year’s, and apparently the picking is very slim, because this is considered “the good one”. It isn’t.

The plot, like most slashers, is incidental, and is held together by a thread composed of awful dialogue and terrible direction.

I was honestly confused about what happened in the opening scene, because I didn’t know if I was supposed to understand that the dead body featured was a murder victim, or a medical school cadaver. I guess all we need to know is that the victim of the prank was pranked TOO HARD.

The dialogue is truly laughably bad, it feels like the adlibbed lines in the fast forwarded parts of pornos.

I was bored throughout the whole film, and not because I was tired, but because it was boring and dumb. 

The most dread filled moment of the movie was when I checked the time code, and I had half of the movie left to watch.

There were two things that almost saved the movie for me though.

1. David Copperfield as the magician reminding me that only a magician can be as creepy as a magician.
2. The ending was so dumb I laughed out loud.

Score

2/10

Terror Train

Add the Blu-ray to your collection or stream it now

Buy Now

Support Cinema 21 in Portland by buying merch or gift certificates at https://cinema-21.square.site/ 

Go to https://www.clarityincrazy.com/ and get 10% off your first order with the code: HORROR

We watched Krampus because it’s one of the biggest blockbuster releases in recent memory that is Christmas themed and for a PG-13 movie, it wraps a nice little present.

Watch Krampus

Watch on Amazon

Click here to Watch

Synopsis

Krampus is the story of Max, a young boy who still believes in Santa, and his family who are visited by some bummer relatives. 

As the relatives whittle on Max’s last nerve, he loses the Christmas spirit, which is the straw that breaks this town’s back in terms of being on Krampus’ good side. Or maybe a better way to explain it is to say, Max’s village loses their Krampus protection plan when he loses faith in Christmas.

Krampus comes, bringing a slew of “helpers” and a devastating blizzard that seems to gut the entire town. 

As Max and his family fight to survive, we learn the importance of family, and keeping the spirit of Christmas alive.

Review

Director Michael Dougherty, who brought us holiday themed cult classic Trick ‘r Treat has deigned to bestow this holiday themed treat upon us.

Krampus is kind of like National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation if it included the fictional anti-santa myth, Krampus. It’s based around a “perfect family” and their super trashy relatives who show up and turn everything wrong.

If that isn’t enough for you there is also a jack-in-the-box that resembles a massive worm that’s capable of eating people and a Krampus that looks like Satan and eats whole villages raw.

While this is not the most impressive movie I’ve seen, it’s damn solid and very full of Christmas feels. It’s got lots of fun characters, and enough creepy imagery and tension to keep you on your toes while sippin’ on some nog.

I can remember watching this in theaters and being somewhat surprised at how well it held my attention, but on second viewing I did lose interest around the ¾’s mark.

 It does a decent job of not being too long and is a great movie to watch with kids who can handle really scary imagery, because it’s not terribly violent.

Overall, if you are in need of a Christmas horror movie, I would say this, and Gremlins are the best choices when you have to keep your family entertained.

Score

6/10

Final Recommendations

If you have family over and want to watch something very Christmassy but also horrorish, Krampus is your jam. Keep your Christmas spirits up to keep him out of your face!

Better Watch Out is one of the strongest christmas themed horror movies of recent memory. It’s a unique viewing experience and worth your time this holiday season.

Better Watch Out is available on Shudder and various streaming platforms for free if you don’t mind ads.

Synopsis

Better Watch Out starts out as a home invasion thriller, and turns into something completely different. Young Lucas (Levi Miller) is a twelve year old that has the hots for his only five years older babysitter Ashley (Olivia DeJonge). He’s got a whole night planned out to seduce Ashley with horror movies and his mid-pubescent body. 

As they are hanging out having pizza, someone starts terrorizing them. You won’t believe who it is. Click through to horrormovietalk.com to find out!

Review of Better Watch Out

This is a pleasant surprise of a home invasion movie. It stays on the well laid trope tracks until about third of the way through the film, then it goes off the tracks and then onto essentially the same tracks again.

The concept was interesting, and they did do a lot with it. I think it could have gone farther with the set up and delay the twist a little longer. Another gripe was that the villain was way too broad a lot of the time.

Score

7/10

Better Watch Out

Add the Blu-ray to your collection or stream it now

Buy Now

Go to http://manscaped.com/ and get 20% off + free shipping with the code: HMT #manscapedpod 

Go to okdrugs.co and get 10% off your first order with the code: HORROR