Horror Stories

This collection features a menagerie of horror stories. Some are scary. Some are disturbing. Some are funny. Meet werewolves, vampires, zombies, psychopaths, aliens, cannibals, ghosts, and various things that go bump in the night.Previously published in dozens of anthologies and magazines, some of these tales are mild, but some are extreme. Let the reader beware...The stories include:Finicky Eater - It's after a nuclear war, and a mother and her son are in a fallout shelter, the food long long...The Screaming - Van Helsing and vampires, in 1960s England.Mr. Pull Ups - A body modification tale taken to the extreme.The Shed - Two burglars find the door to hell.Them’s Good Eats - Rednecks vs. aliens, on a spaceship ride of horrors.First Time - A coming of age tale where all may not be what it seems.Forgiveness - A dying serial killer asks for a priest to hear his last confession.Redux - Ghost story noir, about a private eye and a deadly haunting.The Bag - What's in the bag? You really don't want to know...Careful, He Bites - Lycanthrope flash fiction.Symbios - A sci-fi novella about man's first encounter with alien life, and how things can quickly turn bad.A Matter of Taste - Zombie flash fiction.Embrace - A bit of gothic horror.Trailer Sucks - Some trailer park jerks kidnap a vampire.Marky - Flash fiction, from a twisted point of view.Punishment Room - A horrific suspense tale about a not-so-distant future.The Confession - Terrible crimes, told entirely in dialog.Basketcase - Hardboiled noir with a horrific twist.The Agreement - A gambler pays the ultimate price to get out of a debt.Well Balanced Meal - The worst restaurant you've ever been in.S.A. - A werewolf novella about a Shapeshifters Anonymous group that must battle Santa Claus.Dear Diary - A very twisted pom pon girl reveals the secret of her inner strength.Mr. Spaceman - We've come to mate with earth women.Appalachian Lullaby - What do you do with a radioactive monkey?Treatment - A troubled boy talks to a psychologist, but are either what they seem?A Sound of Blunder - A parody of Bradbury, co-written with F. Paul Wilson.If you are a more sensitive (or adventurous) reader, the Konrath scale rates specific categories from 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest) to give you some idea if this is your kind of bookHORROR STORIES by JA KonrathScary - 10Violent - 9Funny - 2Sexy - 2

From the Inside Flap

Q & A with Joe KonrathQ: Did you always want to be a writer?Joe: No. I wanted to be a model for husky pants. But then, when I was barely a teen, they stopped making husky sizes.Damn those clothing designers for shattering my dreams.Q: When did you decide to become a writer?Joe: I mean, I'm not offended by the term "husky." Now they're called "relaxed fit" jeans. It's the same thing, but there's nothing sexy about being a "relaxed fit jeans" model. Husky sounds like you're owning those extra pounds, making them work for you. Relaxed fit sounds like you eat too much and are just plain lazy.What was your question again? Ideas? I hunt through James Patterson's garbage, and steal what he tossed. When Patterson throws out ten pages, that's like fifty chapters.Ha ha ha! Get it? Because his chapters are so short! I swear, the last Patterson book I read had more chapters than page numbers.Actually, I just watch old Outer Limits episodes and appropriate the plots, like Alan Moore did with Watchmen.Q: Who do you like to read?Blake Crouch, Ann Voss Peterson, Jeff Strand, Henry Perez, F. Paul Wilson, Tom Schreck. Pretty much anyone I collaborate with. Because here's a dirty little secret: when you co-write a book with someone, you kind of have to read the stuff they wrote.My absolute favorite author is Dr. Seuss. In fact, I tried my hand at writing a few Dr. Seuss-style children's books. Here are the titles:HOW THE GRINCH STOLE MY WIFEHORTON HATCHES A TERRORIST PLOTON BEYOND DONKEY PUNCHMARVIN K MOONEY WILL YOU PLEASE DROP DEADTHE CAT IN THE HAT GETS NEUTEREDGREEN EGGS AND E COLITHIDWICK THE BIG HEARTED COKE DEALERMR. BROWN CAN MOO, AND THEY PUT HIM AWAYTHERE'S A WOCKET IN MY POCKET, AND I BLAME CIALISBOOMER THE TUMORUnfortunately, I haven't been able to sell any of these. I think it may be some sort of rights-issue thing.Q: What's a work day in the life of Joe Konrath like?Joe: I wake up early and make some eggs.Then the smoke alarm goes off, because the eggs are burning because I fell asleep again.Then I spend ten minutes explaining to the firemen that show up how I'll be more careful next time.I go back to bed, and the next thing I know, it's around noon. Time for lunch. I want to make an egg sandwich, but I'm out of eggs. And bread. And pretty much everything except some sort of fruit that's been in the refrigerator forever and might be a lime. Or not. It may not even be fruit. So I put it back and think about cooking some pasta but that seems like a lot of work for just lunch, so I go take a nap.Around three I get up, ready to start my work day, but first I need to eat something. Do pizza places deliver at three? I make a few calls. Nope, no one delivers before five.I check the fridge. The lime thing is still there, but it looks like it moved from where I saw it last. How odd. Did it move by itself? I'm really hungry, so I decide to give it a try.It's not a lime, because limes don't have bones.When I finish eating, I sit down at my computer and write my daily quota, thirty pages.Q: What's next for Joe Konrath?Joe:This Spring, Carson's will be releasing my signature scent, called Nocturnal Emission. Available in parfum, eau du toilet, cologne, and roll on. I like the roll on. It tickles my armpits. My goal is to make enough money to buy Nebraska. Then I'll rename it Joebraska, and invite all of my friends to visit. We're going to have a big party in the state capital, Joemaha. You can come, if you want.Q: Do you want to talk at all about your books?Joe: Nope. Not really.

From the Back Cover

COMPLETE J.A. KONRATH CHECKLIST AND READING ORDERIf you want something to do for the next two years and insist on reading every Konrath novel, here are the order the author recommends:WHISKEY SOURBLOODY MARYTHE LISTRUSTY NAILAFRAIDDEAD ON MY FEETDIRTY MARTINIFLEEORIGINSHOT OF TEQUILAJACK DANIELS STORIES VOL. 1TRAPPEDFUZZY NAVELCHERRY BOMBSPREEDRACULASDYING BREATHJACK DANIELS STORIES VOL. 2HOLES IN THE GROUNDSERIAL KILLERS UNCUTENDURANCETHREESHAKENSTIRREDEVERYBODY DIESHAUNTED HOUSELADY 52TIMECASTERJACK DANIELS STORIES VOL. 3RUM RUNNERWEBCAMGRANDMA?TIMECASTER SUPERSYMMETRYLAST CALLHIT/EXPOSED/NAUGHTYDISTURBWHAT HAPPENED TO LORIWHITE RUSSIANJACK DANIELS STORIES VOL. 4SHOT GIRL65 PROOFSTOP A MURDER COMPLETE CASESCHASERBANANA HAMMOCKTHE NINEOLD FASHIONEDSECOND COMINGBITE FORCECLOSE YOUR EYESJACK ROSETIMECASTER STEAMPUNK

About the Author

Joe Konrath has sold millions of books worldwide. His writing is sometimes funny, sometimes scary, sometimes both, and always thrilling. If you like fiction, you'll like Konrath. He promises.

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