Every Time We Meet at the Dairy Queen, Your Whole Fucking Face...

Known for his cute, disturbing, and utterly absurd novels, cult author Carlton Mellick III returns with a tale of childhood love and spontaneous face explosions. Ethan is in love with the weird girl in school. The one with the twitchy eyes and spiders in her hair. The one who can't sit still for even a minute and speaks in an odd squeaky voice. The one they call Spiderweb. Although she scares all the other kids in school, Ethan thinks Spiderweb is the cutest, sweetest, most perfect girl in the world. But there's a problem. Whenever they go on a date at the Dairy Queen, her whole fucking face explodes. He's not sure why it happens. She just gets so excited that pressure builds under her skin. Then her face bursts, spraying meat and gore across the room, her eyeballs and lips landing in his strawberry sundae. At first, Ethan believes he can deal with his girlfriend's face-exploding condition. But the more he gets to know her, the weirder her condition turns out to be. And as their relationship gets serious, Ethan realizes that the only way to make it work is to become just as strange as she is. From the award-winning author of Sweet Story and The Haunted Vagina, comes a twisted love story that is as creepy as it is heart-warming.

From the Back Cover

Praise for Carlton Mellick III "Easily the craziest, weirdest, strangest, funniest, most obscene writer in America." -- GOTHIC MAGAZINE "Carlton is an acquired taste, but he hooks you like a drug." --HUNTER SHEA, author of Forest of Shadows "The most original novelist working today? The most outrageous? The mostunpredictable? These aren't easy superlatives to make; however, CarltonMellick may well be all of those things, behind a canon of books thatall irreverently depart from the form and concepts of traditionalnovels, and adventure the reader into a howling, dark fantasyland of the most bizarre, over-the-top, and mind-warping inventiveness." --EDWARD LEE, author of Header "Carlton Mellick III is a genius with an insanely beautiful imagination." --JOE AUGUSTYN, writer of Night of the Demons "Carlton Mellick III has the craziest book titles... and the kinkiest fans!" --CHRISTOPHER MOORE, author of The Stupidest Angel "If you haven't read Mellick you're not nearly perverse enough for the twenty first century." --JACK KETCHUM, author of The Woman and The Girl Next Door "Carlton Mellick III is one of bizarro fiction's most talentedpractitioners, a virtuoso of the surreal, science fictional tale." --CORY DOCTOROW, author of Little Brother "Mellick's career is impressive because, despite the fact that he puts out a fewbooks a year, he has managed to bring something new to the table everytime... Every Mellick novel is packed with more wildly original concepts than you could find in the current top ten New York Times bestsellers put together." --VERBICIDE "Mellick's guerrilla incursions combine total geekboy fandom and love withgenuine, unbridled outsider madness. As such, it borders on genius, inthe way only true outsider art can." --FANGORIA "Bizarre, twisted, and emotionally raw--Carlton Mellick's fiction is the literary equivalent of putting your brain in a blender." --BRIAN KEENE, author of The Rising and Dead Sea "I'm a huuuuge Bizarro fan. This new strain of cheerfully transgressiveweird fiction is to me the most vibrant, exciting, genre-mangling scenein all of strange literature today. And no one holds dominion over thisblossoming underground phenomenon like the godfather of Bizarro, Carlton Mellick III. With the most impressive sideburns in imaginative litsince Isaac Asimov, and a brain that squirts out more shamelesslyplayful originality in any given chapter than most artists willaccomplish in their entire lives, he's the poster boy. The Elvis. Aswell he should be." --JOHN SKIPP, co-author of The Bridge "It's not unusual to blow through a Mellick book in one sitting. They'refast-paced with an endless number of surprises, making it tough not tokeep turning pages. When the end comes, I'm left with that done-too-soon feeling that I always love experiencing." --RAZORCAKE "A wormhole of disturbing surrealism and absurd satire." --VICE MAGAZINE "Carlton Mellick III exemplifies the intelligence and wit that lurks between its lurid covers. In a genre where crude titles are an art in themselves,Mellick is a true artist." --THE GUARDIAN "Hisfiction blends bizarre scenarios mixed with horror, action, and evenmore bizarre actions to create fiction that toes the line between theabsurd and the dark places of the mind... Shocking yet entertaining" --THE EXAMINER "I imagine Mellick as a Willy Wonka-type character, someone withpersonal access to another world, a world of his own creation, but dueto its mind-bending energy, he's lost control of it, and it continues to thrive even without him there to pull the strings. And I like the idea of that." --BOOKIE MONSTER "The imp of the perverse." --3AM MAGAZINE "Just as Pop had Andy Warhol and Dada Tristan Tzara, the Bizarro movement has its very own P. T. Barnum-type practitioner. He's the mutton-choppedauthor of such books as Electric Jesus Corpse and The Menstruating Mall, the illustrator, editor, and instructor of all things Bizarro, and his name is Carlton Mellick III." --DETAILS MAGAZINE "Discussing Bizarro literature without mentioning Mellick is like discussingweird-ass muttonchopped authors without mentioning Mellick." --CRACKED.COM

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