Luck Of The Gutter Rose: Splinter Soul First Prick

Others have described me as "a sailor's mouth on a shattered soul with a shiv." The truth is I am just trying not to get eaten or bleed out what's left of my soul. I would happily go the rest of my life without hurting anyone. But there is always someone trying to get something out of or into me. Now I am just trying to figure out how to keep food in my hole and knives outta my frigging back. Some people get all the luck. Picked by a wise wizard's long hard staff, born from silver poon, or even just wildly lucky. I was none of those things. I had the distinct privilege of being the magical equivalent of a prom night dumpster baby. Popped out of the human delusion, left bloody and screaming to die. The only problem was I had ignored the script and refused to die, choosing life for some dumb reason. This may not have been my best life choice but as you are going to find out I am full of winning life choices. Like deciding to get my gold back from that freaking leprechaun. That turns out SO FREAKING GREAT! No spoilers, you wanna find out what I'm like then read my story. ABOUT THE AUTHOR.Hey, I'm Charles, no relation to Charlie. This is my first published work so if you like readying train wrecks or want to be one of my first fans feel free to buy my books. I live deep in the woods where no one can hear my screams of self-inflicted artistic angst. I wrote the kind of book I like to read, so here is a little easter egg for you for reading this far. No one is safe in this story, not even you. My privilege as an author is to play your emotions like a hell sprung harmonica. I strive to make you laugh, cry, scream out NO as you hurl my books into the nearest wall before scrambling across the floor to pick it back up to find out what happens next. I will be your literary daddy, you will call me sir in hopes I spare your favorite ships and characters. Is that a bold claim? Sure, but you can't be an author without some kind of god complex. We need an ego the size of a planet to fend off the infinite void of self-doubt we exist in. As the god of my own written universe, I have one commandment. .Pick up the book and kneel before me in hopes I spare your ships and the sailors in them. I am wildly in love with my go-THICK wife, and our family. She thinks I am pretty neat. I also like ramen, sushi, playing with ideas that have driven lesser people insane and huskies. I am on Tik Toc as @BBEBARD, feel free to look me up there and tell me off. Otherwise, enjoy the book, more coming soon.

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