5 Tales That Will Land You in Hell

These are 5 unique tales of horror. Some content may be considered HIGHLY OFFENSIVE. You’ve been warned. To enhance the reading experience, the author has graciously provided music, drink, and even frame of mind suggestions that pair well with each of these devilishly demented stories. PAWN SHOP APOCOLYPSE This tale is best imagined in grainy detail with bad acting and poor special effects, much like the B horror movies of the 70s and 80s. Power ballads and hair metal are a must here! Drink of choice: Boilermaker with cheap beer and rye whiskey. LADY AND THE CORPSE Think bright colors—green manicured lawns, white picket fences, freshly painted homes with beautiful gardens. Treat yourself to a nice scotch or a martini. Put some malt shop oldies on the radio and wonder what’s happening behind the doors of those pretty houses. THE DEVIL’S STRAWBERRY PEPPER JELLY Who makes things? Who packages them and inspects them, guaranteeing their safety before selling them to you? Do you really know what is in that jar? Have a strong Bloody Mary with a dash of cayenne. Play some southern blues nice and quiet, with a heavy emphasis on guitar picking. A GIRL’S BEST FRIEND Set the mood. Light some candles and relax on your bed or sink into the cushions of your couch, thinking of that one lover who touched you just right. Then think of how they betrayed you. Uncork a bottle of pinot noir and play soft, rhythmic music that, almost subconsciously, makes your body move. IT ALL STARTED WITH AN ASS Flashback to those young years when your existence consisted of the daily pursuit of pleasure. Drinks, drugs, and sex ruled all. Tejano music played loud under the hot sun or the bright neon lights of a cantina is perfect. Enjoy Mexican beer and tequila. Yes, both

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