Basaclanca

Shakespeare once wrote that ‘all the world’s a stage’, but if it included active volcanoes then boy, was he dumb. The inhabitants of our present day Earth are blissfully tolerant of other people’s religions, inequalities, sexisms, racisms, sizes; even active volcanoes. We are indubitably-super-duper- to one another and live in a blissful haze, thank god. Alternative universes however are devoid of such loveliness and are brimming with isms - shocking I grant you. There are just too few politically correct people and no telling what’s going to happen next; the odd swear word here, the occasional wolf whistle there... it’s mad I tell you! Well, over there became over here for inventors of an alternative universe crossing machine. They wanted to make a live movie, saving money on film production by incorporating backdrops and characters from alternative worlds with calamitous results. They based their storyline loosely on a 60s movie ‘The Magnificent Seven’ – but going after a nasty witch instead. The actors in this movie have serious issues of their own. If their combined intelligence were to equate to the brightness of a lightbulb in a dark room, you wouldn’t see the bulb unless you were viewing it through the Hubble telescope (the right way around and in the same room of course, any other way would be plain daft). So why is this book called Basaclanca I hear you ask? That would be telling now wouldn’t it? Don’t read this if you have ever been offended. ‘Oh taste and see’ is my mantra, to quote someone much cleverer than I; and ‘if your eye doth offend ye, spit it out’, to quote someone less so from the book. This book is full of contradictions, clichés and random humour. It is bursting with artificial intelligence technology too. It will nudge you politely whenever you miss superior humour, and subject your rectum to about 40000 volts (untried on humans as yet but for a fully grown white Rhino it’s 38904 volts*) if you fail to laugh at all. We can still use the word rectum can’t we? I do hope so. If that isn’t proof of artificial intelligence then I don’t know what is. Basaclanca, where the expression ‘political correctness’ hasn’t exuded out of anybody yet – but they are trying. *N.A.S.A. confirmed, probably.

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